


Touch

by Yoyodiza



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2019-11-04 22:38:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17906993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoyodiza/pseuds/Yoyodiza
Summary: It’s small at first. A small touch, the occasional brush of a hand, so small in fact that Yaz doesn’t register why each accidental touch sends her heart into a frenzy. All she knows is that she can’t get enough.





	1. Snow

It’s small at first. A small touch, the occasional brush of a hand, so small in fact that Yaz doesn’t register why each accidental touch sends her heart into a frenzy. All she knows is that she can’t get enough. 

The Doctor is one of the most affectionate people she knows; she’s always throwing compliments out to her fam, and shows no reserve with her pride in her team. Yaz smiles to herself when The Doctor encourages Ryan after he’s done something well, or when she admonishes Graham for his constant hunger. Her smile turns megawatt when The Doctor’s affection is directed at Yaz, much to the chagrin of Ryan. 

‘Yaz was brilliant. The way you dealt with that sergeant was amazing. Five points to Yaz.’ Yaz blushed and smiled, returning The Doctor’s grin. Ryan rolled his eyes good-naturedly. 

‘And what about my points?’ He asked. The Doctor moved her gaze from Yaz to Ryan, tutting. 

‘Honestly Ryan, you sound like my son. When you take down a sergeant, you’ll get five points.’ He threw his hands up in the air. 

‘No fair. Yaz only gets points because she’s the favourite.’ Yaz blushed, about to respond to the accusation when The Doctor responded:

‘Yeah you’re right, she is my favourite.’ The Doctor turned to face Yaz and gave her an exaggerated wink. Yaz didn’t think she could turn any redder. Her heart was thudding away in her chest. She knew it was a joke, but it still touched something in her. The Doctor’s huge smile softened for a moment, her gaze lingering on Yaz. Their eyes were locked, hazel eyes searching brown. Graham then interrupted. 

‘What about me? As the adult here, maybe I should award my own points.’ The Doctor laughed.

‘You’re the adult? Graham, you get grouchy when you’re hungry. I’ve never heard someone complain as much as you when we’re on an adventure! Are we there yet Doc, is this a good idea Doc, Doc I’m hungry. It’s like travelling with a toddler!’ Ryan was biting his lip to stop himself from laughing. Graham scowled at him. This set Ryan off. 

‘Oh my god, she has got you down Graham!’ Graham harrumphed, arms folded across his chest. He turned to look at Yaz, who was giggling behind her hands. 

‘Come on Yaz, you’re the voice of reason. Tell them to stop bullying me!’ She shrugged apologetically. 

‘Sorry Graham, but you’re the grown up. Fight your own battles.’ Graham muttered something about ungrateful youths under his breath, whilst the rest of the team laughed. Out of habit, Yaz glanced at The Doctor and found she was already looking at her. She smiled affectionately, and Yaz’s heart started thundering harder against her ribs. Why did that keep happening? The gaze lingered yet again, and Yaz could feel her face heating up. 

‘Is it me, or is it really hot in here?’ She said suddenly, feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of The Doctor’s gaze. She flicked her eyes down to the console, away from The Doctor, focusing on anything else. She tried fanning herself in an effort to calm her reddening cheeks. The Doctor’s brows furrowed, concern setting in. 

‘Are you alright Yaz?’ She strode across to Yaz, her hand coming to rest on her forehead. As soon as her hand came into contact with Yaz’s forehead, Yaz felt a jolt throughout her entire body, as if she had been shocked. The Doctor pressed forward, getting into Yaz’s eyeline. ‘Yaz?’ 

Yaz squeaked and jumped back, away from The Doctor’s cool hand. 

‘Yep, fine. How about another adventure? I think we should go somewhere really, really cold. What d’ya say?’ She spoke quickly, trying to change the subject. She had her hand on the main lever, waiting for the others to agree with her. The Doctor was still looking at her, confusion and concern written all over her face, before her expression changed again. 

‘Good plan Yaz, let’s go somewhere cold.’ She paused, then her smile returned. ‘I know just the place!’ She dashed about the console, bashing buttons and turning dials before coming to Yaz’s side. She paused, before placing her hand on top of Yaz’s. Yaz felt that jolt again, as warmth spread throughout her hand and up her arm. She glanced up at The Doctor, who was already looking at her. ‘Ready?’ The Doctor asked softly. Yaz nodded, confidence returning.

‘Ready.’ Together they pulled down the lever, and the entire console room flooded with light, whirring into life. 

‘Where are we going?’ Graham asked, leaning against one of the columns. His glance flickered between The Doctor and Yaz, who hadn’t moved from their positions. Their hands were still clasped together on the lever. The Doctor looked over at him, smiling. 

‘Somewhere awesome,’ she beamed. Yaz chuckled. The Doctor’s enthusiasm was infectious. The whirring stopped and the console room was silent. They’d landed. 

‘Right team, it’s going to be freezing outside so you’ll need to wrap up warm. Head to the wardrobe and grab a coat.’ The boys started heading in the direction of the wardrobe, whilst Yaz remained where she was. The Doctor still hadn’t released her hand.

‘Where are we?’ Yaz asked quietly, breath coming out short. When had The Doctor got so close? They were standing hip to hip, the points of contact causing warmth to blossom up the rest of her body. The Doctor looked down at her, an amused smile spreading across her face. 

‘Like I said, somewhere awesome.’ She gave Yaz’s hand a slight squeeze, before letting her hand slide slowly off the lever. ‘Now off you pop, you’ve got to get wrapped up.’ She moved away from Yaz, allowing her space to go. Yaz immediately felt cold without The Doctor next to her. Reluctantly, she nodded at The Doctor and went to find the boys in the wardrobe. 

Graham and Ryan turned to look at her when she entered the wardrobe, already wrapped up for the adventure ahead. Yaz laughed out loud at Ryan who had his fluffy hood up over his head. 

‘You’re not outside yet Ryan,’ she jested. Ryan stuck his tongue out at her. 

‘You’re just jealous I’ve got the best coat.’ 

‘No, I’m jealous that you’ve got the best coat. The Doc didn’t specify how cold it’ll be, but knowing her it’ll be arctic levels of freezing.’ Graham complained. He had a warmish looking coat on, but it had no faux fur trim on it. Ryan countered cheekily.

‘Beauty before age Graham, beauty before age.’ Graham’s face fell in shock.

‘Ryan Sinclair, you have the cheek to…’ He was cut off when Ryan bounced out of the room. ‘Can’t hear you under this warm hood!’ He called out down the corridor. Graham sighed, returning to putting his scarf on. Yaz reached out to one of the coats, then slipped it on. She hadn’t noticed Graham watching her until she turned around to do up the zip. She looked up, and caught his concerned expression. Oh no, not him too!

‘Are you alright Yaz?’ She could feel her face heating up again. She hated being the centre of attention. She looked away from him, searching for some gloves to put on. 

‘Yeah I’m fine Graham, just felt a bit hot is all.’ She purposely kept her face turned away from him, but she could feel his eyes boring into her back. Trust Graham to play the Granddad with her too. It was lovely that he cared, but right now she just wanted the ground to swallow her up. 

‘It’s just, you seem a bit on edge. You were pretty jumpy back in the console room.’ Oh crap, he’d noticed too? Thinking of a quick lie, she turned around and said:

‘I think it’s just the adrenaline from our last trip. Just need to get it out.’ She squeezed his arm in thanks; thanks for recognising that she wasn’t alright, but for trying to help anyway. She was about to leave the wardrobe and head back, when Graham piped up:

‘Y’know, Yaz, If you need to talk about anything, you know you can come to me right?’ Yaz stopped in her tracks, stuttering:

‘Really, Graham, thank you but I’m fine-‘

‘I know, but in case you weren’t, I just want you to know that you can. If you need too.’ Yaz was flabbergasted. She didn’t know what to say; Graham really was the best Granddad. It was a shame Ryan didn’t always see it. 

‘Thank you. I appreciate that.’ She smiled at him and he returned it, before finishing up with getting ready. Yaz left him to it, and headed back to the console room. 

She took her time wandering back, thinking about what she was feeling. She was jumpy, yes, but she didn’t know why. She had been full of adrenaline earlier in the day, but now she had recovered from that adventure, she knew that wasn’t where her energy was coming from. She felt wired, excitable, and nervous. But why? There was no threat now, no danger. She thought back to when she started feeling uncomfortable. Or was that even the right word? Not exactly uncomfortable, but not relaxed either. Definitely nervous. And this wasn’t the first time she felt like this either. Since she had met The Doctor, her entire emotional state had been an array of nerves, constant excitement and contentment. She was the happiest she had ever been in her life. But she was also the most anxious. It dawned on her. Anxiety. That’s what she was feeling, right? She thought to herself, sure, anxiety is part of it, but the label didn’t feel quite right. 

Before she reached the door of the console room, her stomach did a somersault. She could hear The Doctor laughing with Ryan, and her heart warmed with affection. The Doctor’s laugh was melodic, beautiful even, especially when it was caught off-guard. Taking a deep breath, Yaz entered the console room. 

As soon as she entered, Ryan glanced in her direction, smiling. The Doctor had her back to her, her body still shaking with laugher from whatever Ryan had been saying.

‘Alright Yaz, where’s Graham?’ Ryan asked, looking behind her to see where he had go to. The Doctor turned, and her smile grew when she saw Yaz had returned. Yaz returned the smile, before moving her gaze to Ryan.

‘He’s just coming, sorting out his gloves I think.’ Graham appeared behind her, fully wrapped up and ready to go.

‘So where are we Doc?’ The Doctor shook her head, and moved towards the front doors. 

‘Not telling, it’ll ruin the surprise. Come on!’ She waved them over and headed out the doors. The three companions looked at each other before following her out. 

The first thing that struck Yaz was that it was freezing cold. It wasn’t snowing, but it there was a thick layer of snow on the ground that crunched beneath her feet. Yaz loved the snow, ever since she was a little kid. She smiled to herself, looking down at her feet as she made footprints. She looked up and she could see Ryan was doing the same thing, and she laughed. He looked up at grinned back at her. 

‘Hey Yaz, remember that snow day back in primary, when I got that snowball down Mrs Burns’ top?’ She laughed at the memory.

‘She was so mad at you. Didn’t she make you stay behind to write lines?’ Ryan nodded. 

‘She did indeed. But it was totally worth it.’ 

Graham coughed to interrupt them. 

‘Doc, the snow is lovely and everything, but why are we here? Where are we?’ The Doctor, who had moved behind them as they had made their way out of the TARDIS, grinned wickedly. 

‘Always with the questions. Just, look up.’ Together they looked up at the sky. Yaz’s jaw dropped. Swirling blues and greens waved across the open sky, likes gentle crests of the ocean. They shimmered across the vast inky blankness, like a reflection. 

‘Is that what I think it is?’ Graham asked, astounded. The Doctor grinned.

‘Yes, it’s the aurora borealis. Also known as the northern lights. It’s pretty rare to see them, and the conditions have to be just right.’ Yaz kept looking at the sky, mouth open, taking it all in. Her neck started to strain a little, but she didn’t care. She could feel The Doctor move closer to her side, her arm brushing against hers. 

‘I’ve always wanted to see them. I never thought I’d get the chance.’ Graham said, sounding a little sad. Ryan looked over, knowing he was referring to Grace, and his previous illness. Ryan nudged him.

‘You’re here now. That’s the main thing.’ Graham gave his grandson a grateful smile. 

‘Very true,’ he murmured. The Doctor looked over at Ryan, who had returned his gaze to the sky. 

‘What do you think Ryan?’ He looked over at her, grinning excitedly. 

‘It’s sick, Doctor. I’ve never seen anything like it.’ He paused. ‘Aren’t the northern lights meant to be gateways to other universes or something?’ Yaz turned to look at The Doctor, expecting her to come back with some witty retort or sciency explanation. What she got instead shocked her. The Doctor was looking sadly at the sky, and in that moment she looked impossibly old.

‘If only,’ she replied quietly. She didn’t have tears in her eyes, but they looked glassy, like she was remembering something from long ago. Something heart-breaking. Yaz suddenly felt like she was intruding on a private moment. But, looking at The Doctor’s sadness, she had to do something. Carefully, she brought her hand down and brushed it against The Doctor’s. Her fingers nudged gently, cautiously against The Doctor’s. Tentatively, she felt The Doctor respond, digits slowly bumping against each other. Fingers danced around each other slowly, quietly, before becoming interlaced. She was still looking at the sky, but at least she was grounded back in the present. Yaz let out a soft sigh she hadn’t realised she’d been holding. She turned her attention back to the sky. 

She could sense Ryan and Graham’s discomfort at The Doctor’s shift in mood, but remained silent as they turned their attention back to the sky. The silence went on, but started to become more comfortable, communal. They watched it with reverence, each lost in their own thoughts. 

The Doctor’s hand was in hers more solidly now, as she seemed to return more fully to the present. She squeezed their joined hands, and in turn Yaz squeezed back, reassuringly. You’re not alone in this, she wanted to say. Instead, what she murmured was:

‘It’s so beautiful.’ She felt The Doctor divert her gaze away from the sky, and look at Yaz fully. Yaz kept her eyes resolutely on the sky, feeling her heart begin to pump at an alarming rate. There was that nervous feeling again. Like she was about to skydive out of a plane. Then she heard The Doctor whisper.  
‘Yes, it is.’ Yaz turned to look at The Doctor, and found her looking right at her. Yaz’s breath caught in her throat, and felt her cheeks warm again. The Doctor gave her a small, affectionate (loving?) smile. It was the most sincere she had ever seen The Doctor. She then felt The Doctor lean in closer by her side, breaking the silent barrier that seemed to have developed between them. The entire right side of Yaz’s body was on fire. Everything felt so impossibly hot, but also so right. Then The Doctor dropped their hands and brought her arm to rest around Yaz’s waist. She pulled her even closer to her side, not wanting to let go.

Yaz stiffened, holding her breath. The Doctor felt her stiffen, and something flashed across her face momentarily. Hurt? Confusion? Yaz wasn’t sure. However, she quickly reassured The Doctor by relaxing into her grip, letting her know that it was okay, welcomed, wanted. The Doctor smiled, relieved. She tightened her grip a little, hand coming to rest in Yaz’s pocket. The Doctor slowly lowered her head to rest on Yaz’s shoulder. To make them more comfortable, Yaz brought her hand up to wrap her arm around the blonde, mirroring her actions. Her head rested against the top of The Doctor’s head. She could smell The Doctor’s scent radiating off of her, and tried to repress the urge to inhale too deeply. It was intoxicating. They stayed connected, warm, and continued to look at the sky. 

Out of nowhere, a snowball came flying into their faces, causing the lovely contact to cease. 

‘Come on lovebirds, time for some snow fun!’ Ryan had pelted the snowball at them, grinning as he could see he had hit his targets. Yaz felt her face flush again, and rubbed the freezing particles out of her eyes. Ignoring his comment, Yaz shouted:

‘Ryan, I’m so gonna kill ya.’ She crouched down, scooped up some snow into her gloved hands and made a snowball. She looked up, aimed at Ryan and took fire. He dodged out of the way just in time, and taunted her. 

‘That the best you got Khan?’ By her side, The Doctor recovered from the snowball and had created her own snowy ammunition. She bowled and hit Ryan square in the chest. He looked up at her in shock. He had tried to dodge her, but she had been quicker than him.  
She cheered as she hit him, and held up her hand for Yaz to high five her. Yaz very happily obliged.

‘Bring it Ryan. Just be warned, I won the best snowballing competition on the planet Deuxus 6 years in a row.’ Ryan rolled his eyes playfully, rubbing the snow off his coat. He then threw his hands up in the air when he saw The Doctor reach down for more snow. 

‘Okay, okay, I believe you! No more snow!’ The Doctor grinned, carefully and slowly letting the snow fall from her hands. She chanced a look at Yaz, which Yaz caught the end of, before turning her gaze back to the boys. She glanced at Graham, who had turned his head back to the sky. She could see the wistful look on his face; she knew exactly what he was thinking about. She made her way over to him, standing by his side, and resumed looking at the sky. 

‘What causes them, Doc?’ 

Knowing what he was referring to, she said:

‘When a coronal mass ejection collides with the magnetic field, it causes complex changes to happen to the magnetic tail region. These changes generate currents of charged particles, which then flow along lines of magnetic force into the Polar Regions. These particles are boosted in energy in Earth’s upper atmosphere, and when they collide with oxygen and nitrogen atoms, they produce that dazzling auroral light.’ The boys turned to her in confusion.

‘And…in English?’ Ryan asked, bemused. 

‘Basically lots of charged particles collide with atoms high up in the atmosphere, which causes the beautiful lights up the sky.’ Yaz explained, looking up at the sky. The entire group looked at her in awe. The Doctor’s eyes seemed to be sparkling. 

‘Yasmin Khan, you never cease to amaze me.’ Yaz looked at her directly, mouth slightly agape. The Doctor looked so… proud. She averted her gaze, blush creeping up her cheeks. 

‘What can I say, physics was my favourite subject at school.’ 

‘Why, was it because Mr Jones taught you?’ Ryan nudged her shoulder playfully, causing Yaz to turn even redder. Who knew she could blush so much? At Ryan’s jest, Yaz could see The Doctor’s smile falter, ever so slightly. Or was that her imagination? Yaz elbowed Ryan in the stomach, trying to shut him up. 

‘No, of course not. I just love science.’ Ryan, however, didn’t take the hint.

‘Sure Yaz, sure.’ He patted her shoulder mock-comfortingly. ‘I heard all the girls fancied him.’ God Yaz wanted to hit him. She brushed off his hand. 

‘Well, what about Miss McKenzie? I bet you only took Art because she taught it.’ Ryan smiled, not fazed by her rebuke. 

‘Yep, and I don’t deny it.’ Graham’s face fell in shock at his Grandson.

‘Ryan, you didn’t?!’ He admonished. It was now Ryan’s turn to be embarrassed, momentarily forgetting that he wasn’t just with the boys. Yaz smiled at Ryan’s spluttering, and caught The Doctor’s eye. For a split second, The Doctor looked like… Yaz wasn’t sure. Disappointed? Hurt? Sometimes she could be so hard to read. But as soon as Yaz caught her eye, she gave her a small smile, some of the warmth returning. Yaz was relieved. Suddenly, The Doctor pulled her gaze away and back on the boys, clapping her hands together. 

‘Right, I think it’s time for our next adventure. Back in the TARDIS you lot, it’s getting a bit chilly.’ The group looked at each other, a little confused at The Doctor’s abrupt change in mood, but didn’t question it. The boys led the charge, talking between them. Yaz hung back with The Doctor, feeling slightly uneasy. Although The Doctor was fairly laidback, when her mood changed it sometimes gave Yaz whiplash. The worst thing was, she wasn’t sure what had caused it. One minute she’d looked so happy, but now she looked unsure, and had gone quieter. It was never good when she did that. 

Not sure what to say, Yaz did the only thing she could think of in that moment. She hooked her arm through The Doctor’s, so that they were arm in arm. The Doctor looked at her again, startled by the contact. She glanced down at their interlinked arms, then looked up at Yaz and smiled again. She pulled Yaz closer to her side, and put her other hand on the top of Yaz’s pro-offered arm. 

‘Thank you,’ she whispered gently. Yaz’s heart started thumping against her chest again, not sure why The Doctor was thanking her. However, not wanting to knock it, she whispered in return. 

‘You’re welcome.’ She felt The Doctor squeeze her arm in response, as they headed back to the TARDIS. The way Yaz’s heart was thumping, The Doctor might as well have reached into her chest and touched her soul.


	2. Loss

Since the Northern Lights episode, The Doctor had seemed…jumpier than usual. And as a naturally bouncy person, that was quite an achievement. Yaz noticed that every time they accidentally brushed against each other, The Doctor seemed to startle or jump at the contact. Yaz couldn’t work out why, or if she was just imagining it. However, it didn’t stop The Doctor from initiating contact with Yaz. In their latest adventure, The Doctor had saved her life by pulling her to safety, then had grabbed her hand as they ran back to the TARDIS. They were sprinting so fast that Yaz didn’t have the chance to savour the moment. They launched into the TARDIS head-first, hands still bound together. 

‘Come on Yaz, that’s it.’ The Doctor hauled her towards the console, before setting the coordinates and launching the whole room into flight. It was only then, did they let out a breath they had both been holding. They glanced at each other, before breaking out into breathless laughter. 

‘That was way too close!’ Yaz exclaimed, turning to lean on the console. As her hip came into contact with the centre, she hissed a little, before moving away again. The Doctor stopped laughing, looking at Yaz concerned.

‘Yaz, what is it?’ The Doctor moved forward to examine her, but Yaz held up a hand as if to hold her back – only her hand was still in The Doctor’s. They both looked down at their joined hands, both still unsure as to how that had come about. The Doctor glanced up at her, and Yaz found herself meeting her gaze. That had been happening more and more frequently. She laughed nervously, before gently attempting to extract it. However, The Doctor wasn’t having any of it. She tightened her hold momentarily. ‘Yaz, what’s wrong?’ 

For a moment, Yaz had forgotten about the pain in her side. She tried to lean against the console again, and felt the pain dully throb up and down her leg at the contact. She winced again, making The Doctor even more concerned. 

‘It must have been when the creature knocked me into the wall. I banged my leg and arm, but I’m okay. It’s probably just a bruise.’ The Doctor’s brows furrowed. 

‘Want me to take a look?’ Yaz’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Had – had The Doctor just…? ‘As a Doctor, I just want to make sure you’re alright.’ Oh. Okay, that made sense. 

‘No, don’t worry Doctor, I’ll be fine. It’s just a bruise.’ The Doctor looked at her, steadily and full of concern, but reluctantly let the matter drop. 

‘Okay, but let me know if it gets worse. Deal?’ Yaz smiled.

‘Deal.’ She squeezed The Doctor’s hand in reassurance, before let it slip from her grip. The Doctor pulled her own hand back slowly, just as Ryan and Graham emerged from the depths of the TARDIS. 

‘Oi oi, there you are! We thought you were goners!’ Ryan said as he emerged the console room. The Doctor suddenly jumped, as if startled by their sudden presence. She jumped away from Yaz, and began to slam buttons on the console. 

‘Ha, yeah, well we would have been if it hadn’t been for Yaz’s quick thinking!’ Yaz laughed.

‘Well I would have been a goner if you hadn’t found me when you did!’ As soon as she said that, she wished she hadn’t. She’d meant it to highlight The Doctor’s bravery, her courage. To compliment her. However, it seemed to have the opposite effect. The Doctor’s face fell. She froze, looking at Yaz with horror. All Yaz could see on her face was a flurry of terror, grief, sadness. Graham and Ryan looked between them, worried at The Doctor’s sudden turn. She had frozen, her face seeming to pale. Graham nudged her. 

‘Doc, what’s wrong?’ It took her a moment to answer, and when she did, it was the quietest Yaz had ever heard her. 

‘If I hadn’t found you, you’d be…’ She couldn’t finish, but Yaz knew what she was going to say. Back there, there had been a split second where Yaz thought she was going to die. But then The Doctor had arrived, as she always does, and saved the day. Yaz had never doubted that The Doctor would always save her. Yaz stepped closer to her, trying to be reassuring. 

‘But you did, and you saved me. Like you always do.’ She said confidently, sincerity evident in her voice. She expected The Doctor to smile at that, like she normally did when complimented by Yaz. However, to her surprise, she didn’t. The Doctor looked down at her feet, body seeming to close in on itself with doubt. Ryan knocked her arm with his fist gently.

‘She’s right Doctor, when have you ever let us down?’ She kept looking down, but answered softly.

‘Not yet maybe, but one day I’ll be too slow. One day, luck won’t be enough.’ 

‘Doc -…’ Graham began to argue, but she cut him off by looking back up at him. 

‘I appreciate you all trying to make me feel better, but we have to face facts. It’s all fun and games, until it’s not. So far, we have been lucky, and none of you have been seriously hurt.’ She glanced momentarily at Yaz, who was gently rubbing her bruised thigh. ‘But one day, that luck could run out. I can only do so much to save you.’ 

‘Doc, we know the risks, you laid them out when we asked you to take us on. But that’s part of the thrill, right? We chose the exciting path, and now we are living. Properly living. And you’ve given us that!’ Graham gushed, trying to change her mind. The Doctor’s eyes darkened, tinged with that steel that occasionally came out when facing down someone. Yaz wasn’t sure what to feel when that side of The Doctor came out. 

‘Graham, I’m the reason Grace is dead. If none of you had met me, you’d be better off.’ Graham’s mouth widened in shock. Ryan looked as if he’d been slapped, and Yaz felt the world fall beneath her feet. The Doctor had never spoken so negatively about herself in front of them. Graham’s face hardened, shaking his head.

‘Don’t do that, Doc. Don’t put that on yourself. If you hadn’t been there, we’d all be dead.’ Graham let out, clearly trying to keep his anger at bay. His breathing had sharpened, but he was keeping it together. 

‘Yeah Doctor, that wasn’t your fault. That creature killed Nan, not you.’ The Doctor looked between Ryan and Graham, the kind humans who were doing their best to absolve her of her guilt. But it wasn’t working. She shook her head at them. 

‘You don’t get it. You know loss, of course you do. But what you can’t possibly understand, even begin to comprehend, is losing someone and knowing it’s all your fault. No matter how hard I try, the people in my life, they either end up lost, hurt, damaged, or dead. I don’t want that to happen to any of you, but in this funny old life, it’s more than likely.’ She paused. ‘I just can’t bear to lose anyone else.’ She glanced up at Yaz. Flashes of all her old companions flickered across her mind like a film reel. She let out a gasp of anguish, and had to turn away before her current companions saw her face. They’d never seen her this vulnerable, and she didn’t want them to see her at her worst. She gripped the console for support, hunched over to control her breathing. She began to feel the grief overwhelm her, years and years of pain pouring in all at once. She was usually good at shutting off the pain; had been especially good at it in her current body. But now it was all leaking out, and there was nowhere to run. She could feel tears pricking at the sides of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. So she did what she does best; without looking back, she ran. 

Xxx

Yaz felt like she had whiplash from watching The Doctor’s self-loathing. She was so optimistic and hopeful all the time that Yaz couldn’t marry up this new dark, sad version of The Doctor with the one she had come to know. She watched The Doctor and Graham argue about Grace, before The Doctor seemed to become overwhelmed and had run away. The Doctor never ran away from conflict! Yet when it came to her own, apparently she did. She had run somewhere into the depths of the TARDIS, god knows where to be found. 

Yaz looked over at the boys in confusion, mouth agape. They looked just as stunned as she did. Graham’s anger seemed to dissipate in that moment, and then he just looked exhausted. 

‘Blimey, I never realised how much she kept in. That must have been eating her up.’ He brought his hands to his face, sighing deeply. 

‘I can’t believe she still blames herself for Nan’s death.’ Ryan uttered. Graham removed his hands from his face.

‘Unfortunately, now I can. The thing about The Doctor, is that she’s always talking, but doesn’t actually seem to say much. I reckon that’s her coping mechanism.’ 

‘For what?’ Ryan asked, genuinely confused. Yaz answered quietly.

‘For whatever came before us.’ She murmured. Her chest clenched, so tightly bound by the tension left behind in The Doctor’s wake. She had never seen her friend so distraught, and it really broke her heart. 

There was a beat. Awkwardness and sadness had crept up in the absence of The Doctor, and now the three of them didn’t know how to deal with it. Every time Ryan tried to say something to lighten the mood, the words died on his lips. Yaz felt on the verge of tears. She hated seeing The Doctor in such distress, and not be able to say anything to help her through it. She tried to bite back a sob, but failed. Graham and Ryan looked in her direction, concerned. Ryan looked even queasier, but Graham walked over to her. He placed his hands on her crossed arms, turning her to look at him.

‘Hey come on Yaz, it’s alright. The Doc just needs to cool down. She’ll be okay.’ Yaz could feel the tears leaking out, as she bit her lip in an attempt to stop them. She nodded, knowing he was right. She just hated this interim period. The moments of uncertainty when the worst of the storm was over, but when you still don’t know when it will end. She was used to her parents arguing and getting upset, but it didn’t mean it made it any easier each time. Sure, Yaz had trained in conflict resolution; she knew exactly how to negotiate with warring parties. However, in her personal life, she was still the scared little girl hiding under bed at the sound of raised voices. 

A few more tears spilled out, and in an instant she felt Graham’s arms wrap around her in a comforting hug. 

‘It’s alright sweetheart, it’s alright.’ Normally if an older bloke called her sweetheart, Yaz would give them an earful. However, coming from Graham, it was the sweetest thing he’d ever said to her. She hugged him back, so grateful he was there. It was times like this that she really missed her Dad. Over his shoulder, she could see Ryan shifting awkwardly from foot to foot, watching the scene unfold. Despite their developments with their emotions towards each other, she knew Ryan and Graham were still reserved in their affection for each other. Typical blokes. She gestured for Ryan to come over.

‘Come on Ryan, come join in.’ Ryan shifted again, looking awkward. 

‘Nah its cool Yaz. You alright though?’ She nodded over Graham’s shoulder, before letting him go. She wiped the rest of her tears away, feeling like a weight had lifted. Graham patted her arm. 

‘So what now? If anyone needs a hug right now it’s The Doc, but I don’t know if she wants to be found.’ They looked in the direction where she had vanished. 

‘I vote we go and look for her. If she needs space then fine, she can tell us. But she seemed really upset. We owe it to her to at least try.’ Ryan suggested, wanting to fix the situation. Yaz and Graham nodded in agreement. 

‘Okay, I suggest we split up. Graham, you take the wardrobe. Ryan, you take the kitchen area, and I’ll try the library. If we find her, WhatsApp the group so we’re not all worrying. Sound good?’ The boys nodded, before Graham asked;

‘Fine, but which one is WhatsApp again?’ Ryan groaned.

‘God Graham, you are so old!’ Ryan huffed out. Graham glanced at Yaz, and winked at her. She stifled a laugh as Graham said:

‘Is it the one with the blue flash?’ He turned to Yaz. ‘Or is it the yellow one?’ Yaz shrugged her shoulders. 

‘You know, I think it might be the pink one.’ Ryan looked between them, catching on.

‘Haha very funny. I’ll catch you later.’ He stomped a little as he went off down the corridor in his search for The Doctor. That just left Yaz and Graham. 

‘Right, I’ll see you on the other side.’ Yaz said as she was about to make her way down the corridor. However, Graham’s voice stopped her. 

‘Before you go, are you really alright? You just seemed really affected back there, Yaz.’ Touched by his concern, she turned to him.

‘I…find personal conflict difficult.’ She paused. ‘And seeing The Doctor like that, really upset, really hurt me. I don’t know why it got to me so much.’ Graham pondered for a moment, before saying something that surprised her. 

‘Are you sure you don’t know why?’ What was Graham getting at? Emotions are complicated things; they can’t always be explained. Avoiding the question, Yaz decided to start her search for The Doctor. 

‘Let’s go and find her.’ She turned away from him and hurried down the corridor, hoping he hadn’t seen the fear in her eyes. 

Xxx

Yaz made it to the library, after a few false starts. She knew the TARDIS was sentient, and she had this niggling feeling that the TARDIS was deliberately moving rooms around to make her search harder. Although she could never prove that, the rooms seemed to have a mind of their own, sometimes rearranging themselves when she was still in one. 

Yaz had picked to go to the library because that was her own place of peace. Whenever she needed quiet time, the library was the first place she headed to. The Doctor struck her as the kind of person who would find respite in books, so she acted on her copper’s hunch. Luckily, it seemed to have worked. 

There, curled on the purple sofa (since when had that been in the library?) was the blonde mess of the alien she had been looking for. That sounded oddly romantic, Yaz thought to herself. She blushed again, and felt her face heating up. For goodness sake, no one had even said anything! How could her own thoughts make her blush?

Stopping that train of thought before it went even further, Yaz made her way over to The Doctor, who was facing away from her. She had her feet planted on the sofa, pulled up to her chest, making herself as small as possible. Or protecting herself? Yaz had seen young children do this when she’d been working domestic cases, which hit her hard in the heart. 

Not wanting to startle her friend, she coughed to let her presence be known. The Doctor’s ears pricked up, as she turned to see who had joined her. Yaz was worried she was going to bolt, but The Doctor stayed uncharacteristically still. 

‘Oh, hey Yaz.’ She said softly. She didn’t sound surprised, but didn’t sound pleased either. She just sounded tired. Yaz gulped, unsure with how to proceed. She didn’t want to intrude on The Doctor’s space, but she didn’t want to leave either. She gulped. 

‘Can I stay?’ The Doctor shrugged, neutral.

‘If you like.’ That didn’t fill Yaz with confidence. She felt so uneasy, the tension eating away at her chest. She tried again.

‘Doctor, do you want me to stay?’ That seemed to jolt The Doctor out of the numb stupor she had been in. She turned to Yaz fully, properly seeing her this time. 

‘Always.’ Yaz felt her heart flutter with relief, and she let out a breath she didn’t realise she’d been holding. However, she still remained rooted to the spot, still unsure. The Doctor noticed, humour returning a little, and joked ‘I don’t bite Yaz. Come ‘ere.’ 

She brought her legs back to the ground and gestured for Yaz to come and sit next to her. Relieved for the invitation, Yaz walked over to her and took the offered seat. It wasn’t a huge seat, and didn’t leave much room for space, but Yaz was careful to leave some distance between herself and The Doctor, at least for the time being. The seat dipped beneath her, as The Doctor turned to face her, bringing one leg up to prop herself up. Yaz mirrored her positioning unconsciously, so she could look at her friend directly. The Doctor gave her a small smile.

‘See, sitting is much more comfy than standing over there.’ Yaz smiled back, starting to feel better again. 

‘Much more.’ She replied. The lighting was dimmed, but Yaz could make out the shadows falling across The Doctor’s face. The Doctor’s eyes narrowed as she gazed into Yaz’s eyes.

‘Yaz, have you been crying?’ Honestly, this woman astounded her. The Doctor was the one who had been upset, yet she was the one looking after Yaz. She looked away under the intensity of The Doctor’s gaze, not wanting to let tears fall again. 

‘I’m fine, what about you?’ She wanted to look at The Doctor then, but she could feel tears rising, so she couldn’t look up yet. She gulped, trying to keep them down. Out of nowhere, she felt cool fingers under her chin, nudging her head in the direction of her friend. This time Yaz didn’t fight it. 

‘Yaz?’ No point in hiding it. Yaz let her eyes rest on The Doctor’s, as she felt a couple of tears slide down her cheeks. She wiped them away furiously. 

‘Really, I’m fine. I was just worried about you.’ The Doctor’s face fell in concern.

‘Oh Yaz.’ She said softly, caringly. Her fingers moved from Yaz’s chin to her cheek. Skin skimming over skin, she gently wiped the tears away with her thumb. ‘Don’t cry, I’m okay. I just needed some space for a moment.’ Yaz sniffed, holding back more.

‘Doesn’t stop me worrying.’ The Doctor looked at her for a long moment, her expression showing concern mixed with affection. Her thumb continued to caress her cheek for a moment, no longer catching the tears. Yaz felt her breath hitch at the contact, but couldn’t help but lean into it. She closed her eyes for a moment, her senses on fire. 

The hand slipped away from her cheek, and immediately Yaz missed the contact. She opened her eyes just as The Doctor enveloped her in a huge hug. The Doctor’s arms wrapped around her, holding her securely to her chest. Yaz was dumbstuck for a moment, before reciprocating. She held The Doctor around her waist, squeezing firmly and gently. The Doctor squeezed her back, bringing her impossibly closer. 

She was so close she could feel the twin beats of The Doctor’s hearts against her solitary human one. They pumped away rhythmically, making Yaz feel at peace. She could feel The Doctor’s hands on her back, holding her firmly in place. Yaz moved her head from The Doctor’s shoulder and turned her face slightly so that her lips were nearer The Doctor’s ear. 

‘I’m sorry, for what happened back there.’ She apologised, lips brushing against The Doctor’s outer ear. Beneath her, she felt The Doctor momentarily shiver unexpectedly. Before Yaz could question it, The Doctor squeezed her again and said;

‘Don’t you dare apologise. You have nothing to be sorry for.’

‘But – ...’ 

‘No buts.’

‘But what about…’

‘Yaz. No. Buts.’ Yaz started to loosen her hold on The Doctor, but her friend wouldn’t let go.

‘Doctor…’ 

‘Just, stay for a bit Yaz. I could have lost you today, and that’s more than I want to think about.’ Yaz attempted to extricate herself, but The Doctor wouldn’t let her. Resigning herself to it, Yaz returned the hug with equal strength. 

‘Okay.’ She whispered. She held The Doctor, and The Doctor held her for what seemed like an eternity. Yaz had never felt so happy, which felt really perverse given their circumstances. But just being held by someone, someone like The Doctor, filled her with a joy she had never experienced. Nobody had ever held her this desperately, like she was going to vanish if she let go. It made her feel really wanted. Really cared for. Really…

Her train of thought was cut off when she felt droplets fall onto her neck. They hit her skin and rolled down her collar bone, slipping beneath her top. Confused, Yaz tried to pull herself away from The Doctor. This time The Doctor let her, moving back slightly. She moved as if she wanted to turn away from Yaz, but Yaz stopped her, pulling The Doctor back to face her. Reluctantly, The Doctor looked up at her. Tears streamed down her face, and Yaz felt her heart break again. 

‘Doctor…’ She began softly. The Doctor wiped them away quickly, and attempted a quick smile.

‘Y’know, crying’s meant to be a good detox. Should do it more often.’ Instead of pulling her into a full on hug, Yaz pulled The Doctor to her side, aligning their bodies from shoulder to hip. She felt The Doctor rest her head on her shoulder, seeking the warmth of Yaz’s body. Yaz rested her head atop The Doctor’s, nuzzling into her hair. They stayed silent for a moment, before Yaz whispered:

‘Doctor, what really happened earlier?’ She felt The Doctor stiffen, so she held on a little tighter to reassure her. She could almost hear The Doctor’s brilliant mind whirring for an excuse.

‘I…I’m not ready to talk about it yet. My past I mean. Nearly losing you today reminded me that not everybody can be saved. And I’m not ready to say goodbye.’ She paused. ‘One day. One day Yaz, I’ll tell you all of it. I just… can’t yet. Do you understand?’ Immediately, Yaz nodded against her head. 

‘Of course Doctor. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here to listen.’ They both smiled, feeling lighter. They stayed curled together, not moving, even when Graham found them. He had been searching when he came across them. However, instead of interrupting their intimate moment, he walked away, texting Ryan.

‘Found them. They’re okay. See you in the console room.’ 

He smiled to himself. He figured the girls would come back in their own time.


	3. Migraine pt 1

Yaz knew it was coming. She could feel it, slowly dumbing her senses and heightening the pain. 

She had woken up that morning, and she had just known. She could feel the tingling in her neck, the dull aches in the back of her head. However, knowing she was going to be running around (as per usual in all their adventures), she swallowed back her emergency medication and went about her business. She hoped and prayed that it would kick in, just in time for the TARDIS doors to open to their next adventure. 

Yaz had suffered from migraines throughout her teen years. It had been a terrifying experience the first time she had ever had one; she couldn’t see, her body felt like lead and her brain was on fire. Since her diagnosis of chronic migraine, she had had many different types, some more debilitating than others. There had been periods in her youth when she couldn’t get out of bed for days.

Her parents had fought her decision to become a police officer at first, concerned for her health. They would argue about the dangers, the late nights and unpredictable shift patterns that could make her worse. Get a steady job with a routine, they had begged her. Yaz wasn’t going to let that happen. She had wanted to be a police officer since she was little, and she wasn’t going to give up on her dream, just because of a medical condition. 

Once they had seen how serious she was, they had conceded, and had even encouraged her to go for it. The thing was, they came and went; her migraines were not set in stone, and were not triggered by the same thing every time. They were unpredictable.

Since meeting the Doctor, Yaz hadn’t had any. That was a miracle in itself, given that she was used to having a couple of bigger ones a week. It had been months, and Yaz couldn’t have been happier. She hadn’t needed to tell the Doctor because, well, she felt like she was cured. 

Until reality set in and she cursed her optimism. Of course she wasn’t cured. There wasn’t a cure, only strategies to deal with them. She had just been extremely lucky for a few golden months. 

Somehow, she’d managed to get through the most recent adventure intact, but her emergency medication hadn’t worked. The dull ache had grown from the back of her head into a full fire, covering her entire cranium. She felt sick and shaky, like she couldn’t hold her own body up. She glanced up at the console, the gold column blurring at the periphery of her vision. She needed rest as soon as possible, but she wanted to do it without alerting the others. She couldn’t bear to have them think her weak, a liability. 

The Doctor was dancing around the console, buzzing from the latest adventure. She was talking to them excitedly, happily, but Yaz couldn’t hear her. At least, she could hear her voice, but not what she was saying. Yaz leaned against one of the columns that propped up the cavernous room, acting nonchalant. She tried to keep her eyes open, but the lights of the room were blinding her, so she closed them momentarily. The Doctor was distracted anyway, nattering away to the boys. She wouldn’t notice if Yaz checked out for a moment – 

‘Yaz, are you alright?’ Damn it. Why was the Doctor so observant? Reluctantly, Yaz half-opened her eyes, squinting in the Doctor’s direction. 

‘Yeah, ‘m fine,’ she slurred, gripping tighter to the column to hold her up. This was a bad one. A bolt of pain struck her unexpectedly and she yelped, cradling the side of her head. She let go of the column and buckled over, coming to kneel on the floor. Needing something to hold on to, she knelt down even further, her head coming into contact with the cool grating of the floor. It was the first thing to offer temporary respite. She stayed in prayer position, grounding herself before even thinking about next steps. 

Graham and Ryan looked at each other, then at the Doctor in confusion. 

‘Doc, what is it? Why is she in so much pain?’ Graham asked in concern. He wanted to kneel down next to Yaz, but was unsure if that was the right thing to do. Ryan looked at her in alarm. 

‘She’s not been hit with something, has she?’ Yaz groaned at the raised voices. 

‘Please, please talk quieter,’ she pleaded, her words muffled by the floor. 

The Doctor had rushed over to Yaz, standing over her as Yaz worked her way to the floor. She chewed her lip, as she visually examined Yaz before approaching her. After a few seconds, she knelt down next to her, a gentle hand on her back, whilst the other one braced her against the floor, propping her up. 

‘Yaz,’ she whispered softly. ‘Talk to me, what’s going on?’ The Doctor could make out a couple of tears dripping down Yaz’s face, and she was certain that Yaz hadn’t even noticed. She took a deep breath, before wincing as another strike of pain hit her. 

‘Migraine,’ was all she said. Or all she could get out. The Doctor nodded in understanding.

‘Okay, we need to get you into bed. Have you taken medication?’ Yaz nodded against the grate of the floor. ‘Okay, that’s good Yaz, it should kick in soon.’ Yaz shook her head. 

‘I took it this morning. It’s done nothing.’ The Doctor’s face fell, as she rubbed Yaz’s back soothingly. She turned to Ryan and Graham, pleadingly. 

‘Boys, we need to get Yaz to her room. She needs rest and sleep. Ryan, help me get her up off the floor.’ Ryan leant down to Yaz’s side tentatively, whilst the Doctor held one arm around Yaz’s back. 

‘Yaz, we’re going to lift you in a minute. I know it’s going to hurt, but we need to do this. Nod if you understand.’ Yaz was still for a moment, then another flash of pain hit her. Once she recovered, she nodded slowly. ‘Okay Ryan, on the count of three. One, two, three!’ Together, they lifted Yaz into standing position. She inhaled deeply, the sudden movement causing more pain to flare up. The Doctor noticed, apologetic expression on her face. 

‘Well done Yaz, you’re doing really well.’ Yaz swayed on her feet, before falling into the Doctor. Luckily, the Doctor had anticipated this and managed to take her weight, as Ryan tried to pull her back to stop the fall. She brought her arms around the human, holding her in place. 

‘Sorry,’ Yaz managed to get out. 

‘Nothing to apologise for. Try and put one foot in front of the other.’ Together, the three of them managed to navigate Yaz to her room. Yaz was aware her friends were supporting her, their whispered tones going over her head as the pain raged inside her brain. She couldn’t wait for her head to hit the pillow, praying that she would just be able to sleep it off. Sometimes, she had been unlucky and had had to wait it out, writhing in pain in the darkness, alone. She never felt lonelier than when she was having an attack.   
Ryan and the Doctor set Yaz down on the bed, getting her to sit. She started to slump, feeling the sheets beneath her, her body just letting go. However, the Doctor protested.

‘Sorry Yaz, you can lie down soon, I promise. We just need to take your shoes off. Make you more comfy.’ Ryan held on to her whilst the Doctor bent down to unlace her boots. She glanced over her shoulder at Graham, who was looking on, concerned. ‘Graham, go to the kitchen and grab some water. She’s going to need a lot, so maybe bring a jug.’ 

‘Sure Doc.’ He left the room to go in search of water. The Doctor worked quickly, pulling the boots off Yaz’s feet and discarding them at the base of the bed. She popped back up into Yaz’s line of vision. 

‘You can lie down Yaz, we’re nearly there.’ The Doctor nodded at Ryan to gently lean her back, then he moved away. Immediately Yaz moved into foetal position, turning away from them.

Graham rushed back into the room, clutching a glass and jug full of water. 

‘Thanks Graham, set it down next to her bed.’ He did as he was asked. The Doctor walked round to the other side of the bed to face Yaz. Before tending to her patient, she looked up at the lads and said ‘you’ve done a good job, I can take it from here.’ Both Graham and Ryan understood that as their cue to leave. Graham dimmed the lights on the way out. Once they were gone, The Doctor knelt down beside the bed and took Yaz’s clenched hand in hers. Yaz’s wet eyes blinked open slightly, squinting at the Doctor.

‘Thanks,’ she whispered, another wave of pain hitting her. The Doctor felt Yaz’s hand beneath her’s tighten. Yaz’s anguish was palpable. 

‘What else can I do for you Yaz? Is there anything that helps when it’s this bad?’ Yaz could see the Doctor’s expression was worried, so she tried to reduce her worry by dismissing the pain.

‘I’ll be fine, it’s just a bad one.’ Pain blocked all her senses for a second, momentarily blocking out The Doctor. She gritted her teeth, hissing in pain. Then, pulling her out of the agony, she felt a cool hand on her forehead. She could hear the Doctor making soothing noises. All she wanted was for the Doctor to wrap her up in her arms and stay with her until the pain stopped, but she had no idea when it would. She would be asking too much by asking the Doctor to stay. 

Moments passed where they stayed like that; Yaz squirming from the pain, and the Doctor staying by her side. 

‘I wish there was something I could do to take the pain away.’ The Doctor murmured, looking forlornly down at her. Yaz attempted a weak smile. 

‘You can go now, Doctor. I’ll be okay.’ Yaz whispered, closing her eyes. She didn’t want to see the Doctor leave. However, the Doctor surprised her by saying:

‘No, I’m going to stay.’ Yaz opened her eyes at that.

‘What?’ 

‘I’ve got an idea. Can you roll onto your back?’ The Doctor whispered. Yaz nodded, and followed the Doctor’s instructions. Meanwhile, the Doctor took a seat on the edge of Yaz’s bed, looking down at her. If Yaz wasn’t in so much pain, she would have blushed at the intensity of the Doctor’s gaze on her. The Doctor leant over her, and brought her fingers to the sides of Yaz’s temples. Yaz looked quizzically up at her.

‘Massage?’ She asked. The Doctor shook her head. 

‘Nah, I’ve got a better treatment than that. But it’s a bit complicated.’

‘In what way?’

‘Time Lords have a certain trick, or skill really. We’re slightly telepathic.’ Yaz’s eyes widened. 

‘You can read minds?’ She asked in a panic. 

‘Sort of, but only through touch, and only if you consent. I can’t do it if you block me.’ Yaz relaxed at that, before more pain surged through her. 

‘What are you going to do?’ 

‘Well, if you let me, I wanted to see if I can reduce the pain in any way. Kind of like a mind anti-inflammatory.’ 

‘Have you done this before?’ The Doctor nodded.

‘Don’t worry, I wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t safe. Trust me?’ 

Without hesitation, Yaz answered. ‘Yes.’ The Doctor grinned. 

‘Good. Now just relax… as much as you can, and we’ll begin.’ She looked down to see the concern in Yaz’s face. ‘I won’t go probing in your mind. If you feel me wandering around in an area you don’t want me in, just picture a door. I won’t peek. Promise.’ 

Yaz closed her eyes again, focusing on the Doctor’s fingers at her temple. She should have been cataloguing this moment along with her other ‘Doctor’ memories, but she was in so much pain she couldn’t fully appreciate it. Just as well, if the Doctor was going to go rattling about in her mind. She definitely didn’t want The Doctor to open that door. At the front of her skull, she could feel some sort of energy, or light gently pushing its way tentatively to the forefront of her mind. It was bright, blinding, but also sparkling. Yaz could tell it wasn’t coming from the outside world of her bedroom. She knew instinctively that this was The Doctor’s mind. And it was beautiful. 

At her thought, the light seemed to brighten just a little, as if accepting the compliment. Now Yaz should really be blushing. The light pulsated a little in response. 

Yaz tried wiggling her fingers, suddenly aware that she couldn’t feel her body. Before she could worry, The Doctor’s voice loomed over her. 

‘Don’t worry, I’ve got you.’ The last thing Yaz remembers is the light exploding, before everything went black. 

Xxx

Yaz opened her eyes slowly, coming out of her deep sleep. She sat up, momentarily forgetting about the pain that led to her being in her room. She glanced around her room, before the memory hit her. She’d been in pain – the Doctor had been there – she’d done some kind of mind hack –

The Doctor! Where was she? The last thing Yaz remembered was the Doctor hovering her, fingers intimately holding the sides of her forehead. Yaz reached up, tracing where those cool fingers had been. Yaz glanced around again, but the Doctor was nowhere to be seen. 

Whatever she had done, it had worked. Yaz’s pain was gone. Completely gone. She didn’t even have the migraine hangover that accompanied bad attacks. Yaz grinned to herself. The Doctor was a genius! However, her smile slipped a little when she remembered the Doctor wasn’t with her. How long had it been? To be fair to the Doctor, maybe Yaz had been out for hours. 

Wanting to go and thank her friend, Yaz got off her bed and went in search of her team. As she made her way to the console room, where the Doctor was the most likely to be, Yaz’s thoughts kept returning to that intimate moment just before she blacked out. The Doctor had been so cautious, and considerate, and it warmed Yaz’s heart to know how gentle her eccentric friend could be. The fact that the Doctor had been in Yaz’s mind filled her with so much joy, and gratitude, and… she stopped. That was weird, surely? For one, Yaz hadn’t known the Doctor was telepathic until today. And secondly, what had happened was actually a very intimate action… 

Before she could dwell on it further, her body had carried on while her mind had wandered. She was about to continue on when her mind was brought back to reality at the sound of clattering in the room just up the corridor. Curious, Yaz diverted and entered the room. She called out. 

‘Ryan, you alright in there?’ At least, she assumed it was Ryan. He usually made the most noise. However, he didn’t call out, so she turned the corner and found a sight that she would never forget. 

Graham was on the floor, arm around The Doctor, who was hunched over on the tiled floor. Ryan stood in waiting, with a bucket poised ready, in case it was needed. The Doctor covered her eyes with her hands, trying to block the world out. Yaz’s face fell in horror. The Doctor’s face was contorted in pain, the occasional groan coming out through gritted teeth. Yaz checked for signs of physical damage from where she stood, training kicking in, but there was no blood or bruising. That was a relief at least. 

‘What happened?’ Yaz asked, totally confused. What was happening? Ryan looked over at her, panic evident in his eyes. 

‘We don’t know. She came back from looking after you, then just sort of, keeled over.’ Graham looked over at Yaz desperately, looking her up and down, clearly looking for any damage. 

‘Are you alright, Yaz?’ She nodded in the affirmative, coming down to their level.

‘Yeah, I’m fine, The Doctor did something.’ At her name, the Doctor winced in Graham’s arms, closing in on herself. She tried looking up at them, tried to turn at the mention of Yaz, but the pain racked up a few notches. 

‘What did she do?’ Ryan asked desperately, hating to see the Doctor so vulnerable. Before Yaz could answer, the Doctor beat her to it. 

‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled into her hands. Yaz moved away from Graham and round so that she was facing the Doctor. Yaz looked into the Doctor’s scrunched up face, just as the Doctor pulled her hands away from her face. She opened her eyes, which were red-rimmed and much smaller than usual. She stammered. ‘I-I didn’t want you to – see me – like this.’   
Yaz’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. What had happened to her? Was it something to do with the telepathy? Yaz brought her hand up to the Doctor’s forehead, mirroring what she had done for her earlier. She was burning up, but she didn’t recoil from the touch. The Doctor winced again, pain seeming to hit her at random times. 

‘Doctor, what did you do?’ The Doctor looked at her directly, eyes piercing into her own. The Doctor had done something; it was flashing in her weeping eyes, but Yaz couldn’t understand it. All she knew was that something had gone wrong with the telepathy. 

‘I’m sorry Doctor…’ She tailed off, unable to finish the sentence. Graham looked between the women, clearly frustrated and confused. 

‘What’s going on?’ Before Yaz could explain, The Doctor froze, eyes widening, before going limp in Graham’s arms. She lost consciousness, and the last thing she heard was Yaz screaming her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This particular chapter was inspired by my own migraine I had a couple of weeks ago. I was diagnosed with migraine 3 years ago, so I've had migraines for a few years now. During this most recent attack I just wanted someone to comfort me, and then this chapter was born!


	4. Migraine pt 2

Yaz didn’t know why she had agreed to it. The Doctor had sounded so sure, so reassuring, that she knew what she was doing, Yaz hadn’t given it a second thought. Rationally, Yaz knew there was no way she could have anticipated this, and no way in hell would she have let the Doctor do this if it was going to backfire on her. But the guilt wouldn’t stop gripping her lungs. It wouldn’t stop the punch in the gut at seeing the Doctor laid out on Yaz’s bed, completely unconscious. And it was all Yaz’s fault. 

The team had never seen the Doctor so still. It was so unnerving to see the normally excitable and energetic woman bed-bound. Ryan paced the room, whilst Graham had raced off to get a first aid kit. He wasn’t quite sure what he was going to do with it, but Yaz had reassured him that she had training in it. Yaz also sensed that the errand would give him some purpose, something to do whilst the Doctor was out of it.

Meanwhile, Yaz sat on the side of her bed, looking down at the Doctor. Luckily she was breathing, even if it was raggedly. Yaz had felt for her pulse and found twin beats hammering away beneath her fingers. At least they hadn’t stopped. However, Yaz had no idea if the beat was normal; her limited Time Lord Anatomy knowledge started and ended with the Doctor. Yaz just had to hope for the best. 

Ryan stopped pacing and looked over at the two women. Yaz was bent over the Doctor, looking worriedly down at her. He knew Yaz got worried about her, but he’d never seen her this concerned about the alien. He came over and placed a hand on Yaz’s shoulder, in comfort. She startled a little, but relaxed when she realised it was just Ryan. He gave her shoulder a squeeze.

‘She’ll be alright, y’know. She’s always alright.’ Yaz looked up at him sadly.

‘But what if she’s not? This is all my fault.’ Ryan looked at her, puzzled.

‘What? Don’t be ridiculous Yaz. How could this be your fault?’ Yaz turned away from him, biting her lip. She hoped he hadn’t noticed it tremble. 

‘She was trying to help me. She said something about how she’s telepathic, and that she had an idea about how to help me.’ Ryan walked to the other side of the bed and sat down so that he could see Yaz’s face. 

‘She’s telepathic? So she can read our minds?’ He asked, a little alarmed. Yaz shook her head. 

‘Sort of, but not really. She can only do it with our consent. And she has to be touching us when she does it, otherwise it won’t work.’ Her fingers absent-mindedly grazed the Doctor’s hand, willing her gently to just wake up. Ryan registered the small touch, but didn’t say anything about it. Instead, he pressed on. 

‘And what did she actually do? Because you were in agony, but now you’re fine, and she’s not.’ He paused. ‘What are migraines, actually? I probably sound dumb, sorry, but up until today I thought they were just bad headaches.’ He said, sheepishly. Yaz looked back at him, and reassured him. 

‘No, you don’t, it’s okay. If you don’t have them you would think that. I mean, I used to, before I was diagnosed with them.’ Ryan’s eyes widened in shock.

‘Diagnosed? You mean you get them often?’ Yaz nodded sadly.  
‘Yeah, just in the past few years. Started in my teens.’ Ryan looked apologetic.

‘Sorry, I had no idea!’ Yaz gave him a sheepish smile.

‘That’s because I never told you.’ She paused, remembering his question. ‘Migraines are hard to describe really. Yes, they are mostly headaches, but they are much more than that. It’s a neurological condition. When I get an attack, I usually get nausea, fatigue, head pain. Sometimes I go blind, but that’s really rare. But each person is different.’ Ryan’s mouth fell open. 

‘Oh my god, Yaz, that’s awful.’ Yaz shrugged her shoulders. 

‘They’ve been better since travelling in the TARDIS, and since meeting the Doctor. This was my first one in months.’ She paused, laughing sadly to herself. ‘I thought I was cured, actually. Which made this one a bit of a shock.’ She looked from Ryan to the Doctor. ‘I don’t know what I’ve done to her, but I’m so scared,’ she admitted. 

‘Yaz, you’ve done nothing wrong. She tried to help you, and somehow she got sick. But she’ll get better. When she wakes up, she can explain what happened.’ He cocked a grin at Yaz. ‘You know she loves that bit.’ 

Yaz laughed at that. He had a point. The Doctor would bounce back with some sciency explanation before whisking them off on another adventure. 

‘That’s true,’ she conceded. A comfortable silence sat between them, as they waited for the Doctor to wake. 

‘What if I’ve given her my migraine?’ Yaz said suddenly. She looked at Ryan in alarm, but her fear was met with a steady certainty. 

‘Come on Yaz, don’t be silly. You can’t just give someone pain…’ They were interrupted by Graham speeding back into the room with the green first aid kit. 

‘I’ve finally found it! Honestly, we should really keep it in a more accessible place. Any change?’ He asked, as he set the kit down on the bed. He started to open it up, but Ryan put his hands out to stop him. 

‘No change. She just seems to be sleeping. Hopefully she’ll just wake up.’ Graham nodded, and closed it up. His eyes came back to Yaz.

‘How are you doing, Yaz?’ She turned to look at him, and gave him a small smile.

‘Much better, thanks Graham. I don’t even feel like I’ve had a migraine.’ Graham smiled.

‘Well that’s great! Means whatever the Doc did worked!’ Yaz’s face fell at his exclamation. Graham caught her sadness instantly. ‘What is it? What did I say?’ Ryan broke in.

‘It’s not you, Gramps. Yaz is blaming herself for what happened even though I’ve told her that it isn’t.’ Yaz stood up, a little angrily. 

‘But don’t you see, it is my fault! She was fine, then she read my mind and now she’s unconscious.’ Graham walked round to Yaz’s side of the bed and placed his hands squarely on her shoulders. 

‘You listen to me, Yaz. The Doctor is strong. Even if your pain somehow transferred onto her, it was an accident. She was trying to help you. She wouldn’t want you blaming yourself.’ 

‘Of course I wouldn’t, what a ridiculous notion.’ The trio spun to find a slightly groggy, but very much awake Doctor blinking up at them. 

‘Doctor!’ Ryan exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. The Doctor gave him a wink.

‘The one and the only.’ 

‘Doc, are you alright?’ Graham asked cautiously. She nodded in the affirmative, but he noted that she wasn’t as quick as she usually was. 

‘Right as rain. Is it time we were off for our next adventure?’ She shot up quickly, jumping off the bed. However, it was a little too quick, as she stumbled as she tried to keep her balance. Yaz was immediately at her side to stop her from falling. She knocked gently into Yaz, whilst Yaz kept a steady arm around her. The Doctor turned her head to look at Yaz, and once again, Yaz noted just how close they were. She smiled warmly.

‘Hello you,’ she said gently. The Doctor returned her warm smile. 

‘Hello,’ she returned. The Doctor brought her hand up to Yaz’s side, returning the one-armed hug. ‘You feeling okay?’ She asked Yaz seriously, the medic in her returning. Her brow furrowed in concentration as she studied Yaz’s face closely, intimately. Yaz felt the heat rising off her cheeks under her scrutiny. 

‘Much better. You?’ The Doctor nodded, rubbing her hand up Yaz’s arm in reassurance. 

‘Much.’ They shared another smile, before it was interrupted by Graham.

‘Doc, we’re not going anywhere until you explain what just happened. You’ve got to need some rest!’ Graham urged, returning to the role of adult. The Doctor scrunched her face in exasperation. 

‘I’m fine, Graham, I’ve had worse, trust me. And I know Yaz has. And we’re fine, right?’ She glanced at Yaz, who was torn between giving in to the Doctor, and wanting to know the truth. Graham intervened. 

‘Don’t try and get out of this by dragging Yaz in. We were seriously worried about you.’ The Doctor sighed in resignation. Yaz noticed the Doctor hadn’t let go of her yet, and realised why when the Doctor slowly made her back down to sit on the bed. Clearly she wasn’t as well as she was letting on. Yaz gently helped her, before taking her place next to her. The Doctor’s leg was flush against hers, and Yaz desperately tried to ignore the warmth, so she turned to look at Graham instead. ‘Doc?’ He urged again. 

The Doctor sighed heavily, looking down at her hands. She was playing with them, wringing them and interlocking them to distract herself. Yaz knew she was trying to come up with an answer. Or an excuse. Finally she looked up at him.

‘Time Lords are slightly telepathic. I thought I could help Yaz by numbing the pain using my brainwaves, but it seemed to backfire. At the same time, it seems to have worked.’ She gestured to Yaz, who was feeling much better. Graham didn’t look convinced. He looked the Doctor up and down.

‘I don’t understand.’ The Doctor suddenly seemed to weaken, falling against Yaz a little. Yaz caught her, and held her to her side. The Doctor took in a ragged breath. 

‘Ryan, can you go and get me some blankets. Yaz, I need some water. Can you go get me some?’ She blinked up at Yaz, seemingly to be pleading with her. Yaz couldn’t say no to those sad old eyes. Surprised by the request, she nodded anyway, gently extricating herself from the Doctor. The Doctor smiled at her.

‘Don’t worry, I won’t disappear.’ Yaz returned the smile, before getting up. Together, Ryan and Yaz left the room while Graham stayed with the Doctor. Yaz gave one last look back at the Doctor before she went in search of water. 

Xxx

When the youngsters had left, Graham turned back to the Doctor, arms crossed. The Doctor rolled her eyes in exasperation. 

‘I’m fine!’ She insisted at his parental scowl. Graham chuckled. 

‘I’m sure you will be. But now that Ryan and Yaz, have gone, can you explain to me what happened?’ The Doctor measured him up. 

‘Don’t know what you mean.’ She responded. Now it was Graham’s turn to roll his eyes. 

‘Doc, you sent them away for a reason. Just tell me what happened and we don’t need to talk about it anymore. We just need to know how to look after you.’ The Doctor was silent for a moment, thinking about her answer. Yes, she had sent the younger companions away for a reason. She didn’t want them to know the truth about what had happened. But Graham was older, and wiser in many ways, and she knew he wouldn’t let up. So she got to the point. 

‘I saw Yaz writhing in pain. She was in agony. I hated myself that I couldn’t do anything to help her. But then I remembered that in fact, yes, I could. I could take her pain away completely.’ 

‘How?’

‘By absorbing it.’ Graham looked confused for a moment. 

‘So, you knew you could take away her pain?’

‘Yes.’

‘And instead of her having the migraine…’ 

‘It would be reabsorbed… elsewhere.’ Graham’s face fell. 

‘So it wasn’t an accident! You knew this would happen?!’ He admonished. His voice had increased by a few decibels so she shushed him. 

‘Don’t go shouting about it! I don’t want the others to know.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because Yaz will feel really guilty. I know she will. It’s better that she thinks it was an accident so there is no way she can blame herself.’ Graham looked at her, speechless.

‘I can’t believe you, Doc! Knowing that you would take that kind of pain on… I mean… didn’t it hurt?’ The Doctor grimaced. 

‘Yeah, it did.’ 

‘And you knew it would.’ 

‘Yeah.’

‘But you did it anyway.’

‘Yeah.’ Graham laughed.

‘Just when I think you couldn’t be more amazing, Doc, you go and pull a trick like this.’ The Doctor smiled at him, and nodded her head in gratitude. 

‘All part of the job.’ Graham’s smile faltered at that. He paused for a second, before talking. 

‘But it’s not though, is it? You wouldn’t do that for just anyone.’ He held her gaze, not backing down. The Doctor froze, realising what he was implying. 

‘I would do it for you or Ryan.’ 

‘I’m sure you would. But Yaz is different.’ The Doctor had stopped smiling at this point, not liking where the conversation was headed. 

‘She suffers from migraines. You and Ryan don’t.’ She said, resolutely, as if that was the reason.

‘Indeed she does. And indeed we don’t.’ Graham countered, knowing full well it wasn’t the reason. An awkward silence hung between them. The Doctor looked up at Graham, suddenly vulnerable. 

‘You can never tell her.’ About what, Graham wasn’t quite sure. But with the Doctor looking at him pleadingly, he knew he would keep her secrets. 

‘Scouts honour.’ 

A few moments later, Ryan and Yaz appeared with water and blankets, as requested. The Doctor grinned at the sight of them. 

‘Oh you brilliant people, thank you!’ Ryan dumped the blankets on the bed, whilst Yaz put the water on the bedside cabinet. Graham eyed up the Doctor while this was all happening, and noticed that she hadn’t taken her eyes off Yaz since she had entered the room. He catalogued it away, filing it for another day. 

‘Hey Ryan, why don’t you teach me how to play Fifa while the Doctor rests?’ Ryan looked at him in bewilderment. 

‘What? But what about the Doctor…?’

‘I’m sure Yaz can look after her, can’t you Yaz?’ Yaz looked at him in bewilderment, but was clearly grateful. 

‘Yeah, of course.’ Ryan looked between the two, clearly confused, before a grin was back on his face.

‘Yeah alright, this will be a laugh!’ Graham’s face dropped.

‘Oi! I’ll have you know I was the best shooter on my school team!’

‘Gramps, you need more than that to play Fifa.’ The two bickered as they left the room, leaving Yaz and the Doctor alone. A beat passed, the boys’ abrupt departure having disrupted their thoughts. Yaz broke from her reverie first and set about getting the Doctor back into bed. 

‘Come on you, bed! Graham’s orders, apparently.’ Yaz chuckled, trying to push the Doctor back onto the bed. However, the Doctor refused her.

‘I’m fine!’ Yaz gave her an unimpressed look. 

‘Really?’ The Doctor tried to stand up, but once again had stood up too quickly. She winced, and set herself slowly back down to sitting position. 

‘Okay, fine. I guess I could use a sleep.’ Yaz nodded in comradery. 

‘That’ll be the migraine hangover. A couple more hours of sleep should make you better.’ She nudged at the Doctor’s shoulder. ‘Lie down and rest.’ She moved to grab a blanket and laid it over her friend. The Doctor watched her fondly with glazed eyes. 

‘You know, if you hadn’t been a police officer, you would have made a great doctor.’ Yaz scoffed at that. 

‘What, you mean swapping one uniform for another?’ She joked, pulling the blanket up to the Doctor’s face. The Doctor cracked a grin. 

‘I like a girl in uniform.’ Yaz’s eyes widened at that, her hands stilling. Her damn cheeks were ablaze again. How did she react to that? Had the Doctor even realised what she had said? Yaz knew she was an alien, but she was also an alien that spent a lot of time on Earth. She thought quickly, and what came out of her mouth was:

‘Well, who doesn’t?’ She asked rhetorically, then realised what she had just said. What was wrong with her recently? Blushing, and desperately avoiding the Doctor’s gaze on her, she finished with the blanket. ‘Right, you’re all set. I’ll leave you in peace.’ Yaz turned to leave when she felt the Doctor’s hand reach out for hers. 

‘Wait, you’re leaving?’ The humour had left the Doctor’s face and was left with a desperation Yaz hadn’t heard in her voice before. ‘Don’t go, Yaz. Please.’ Yaz turned back to her, stunned. She looked down into the Doctor’s pleading eyes and knew she wouldn’t be leaving tonight. 

‘What do you want me to do?’ She asked her friend. The Doctor averted her gaze for a second, hand still clutching Yaz’s. Then she replied. 

‘Just, lie with me.’ She paused, eyes widening. ‘If… if that’s okay?’ Yaz nodded, smiling.

‘Of course it’s okay.’ She moved slowly towards the bed, her bed, and gently opened the blanket so she could slip in. Once she was in, she could feel the Doctor’s aroma all around her. She gently lay down, cautiously not touching the Doctor. She always felt so restrained when caught in situations of close proximity with her friend, like she didn’t want to scare her off. Not that she needed to worry about that. 

As soon as she was lying down, the Doctor scooched closer, their sides brushing. Yaz gasped, but still refrained from touching. The Doctor then turned on her side and tentatively brought her arm round to hold around Yaz’s waist. 

‘Is this okay?’ She whispered into Yaz’s ear, the words ghosting over her skin. Yaz gulped, butterflies fighting their way out of her stomach. In the Doctor’s hold, she slowly turned to face her, and mirrored the Doctor’s action, as daring as she could be. She felt the Doctor relax at that, and felt her move even closer into her side. The Doctor moved her head so that it was snuggled between Yaz’s chin and the crook of her shoulder. Yaz could feel the Doctor grinning into her neck.

‘Thank you, Yaz.’ She felt the words whispered across her skin. Yaz smiled into the Doctor’s hair.

‘No Doctor, thank you.’ Yaz just hoped the Doctor couldn’t feel her heart hammering away under her chest, as the Doctor clutched her even closer to her, seeking the warmth of her companion.


	5. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner in the fanciest restaurant in the galaxy. What could go wrong?

The Doctor couldn’t stop staring at Yaz. And Yaz couldn’t stop staring at the Doctor. And Ryan couldn’t stop noticing it. Ryan liked to think he had a sixth sense about these things, because he was almost always right. He’d caught glimpses, glimmers of something simmering between the two of them, but he hadn’t been too sure until Yaz had that awful migraine. Seeing the Doctor so worried about Yaz when she was in pain, the terror on her face (the Doctor would call it concerned, but Ryan knew better), and then the tender way Yaz had looked after her when their roles were reversed, Ryan felt there was more to it. 

Whenever they went places, people normally assumed that Yaz and he were dating, and when people made that assumption, Ryan had noticed that the Doctor would quieten, or would completely ignore what was being said. The first few times he had put it down to the Doctor just being a bit weird, but the more it happened, the more she seemed to retreat, and he had to wonder why. 

The most recent occurrence of what Ryan and Yaz jokingly called ‘the assumption,’ was when the Doctor had taken them to a fancy restaurant on one of Jupiter’s moons in the 45th century. Ryan really couldn’t make this stuff up. This was his life now. 

The Doctor had asked them all to get dressed up, as, to quote, ‘it was the finest restaurant in the galaxy, so that means no trainers Ryan!’ As a team, they had scrubbed up pretty well. Ryan and Graham had pulled out three piece suits from the wardrobe, whilst Yaz had donned a long, dark blue dress, its sparkles catching the light as she moved around the console. Ryan assumed that the Doctor would just wear her usual braces and boots, but no, even she made the effort. She wore a dark red velvet suit, with dark shoes, not her usual brown boots. Ryan had to admit, she looked good. He just found it a shock to see her out of her usual attire. 

So there they were, sat at one of the finest tables with one of the best views of space, and they had been having a great time. The Doctor had said they were dining amongst some of the most glamorous citizens in the galaxy. Ryan had been surprised that the Doctor had brought them somewhere so high-end, considering that she was usually so disdainful of the wealthy. The food had been exceptional, and the courses kept on coming. Ryan grinned at the Doctor when a particularly delicious dish was set in front of him. 

‘Doctor, this is epic! How did you get us the best seats here?’ The Doctor tapped her nose conspiratorially, grinning back at him.

‘I have friends in high places.’ 

‘Yeah, and a psychic paper in low places.’ Graham muttered, spooning the current dish into his mouth. The Doctor mock-scowled at him, causing Yaz and Ryan to laugh. 

‘Yes, thank you, Graham, ruin the illusion that I have good connections!’ Yaz laughed again, and the Doctor glanced at her. Yaz patted her shoulder, causing the Doctor’s smile to return. 

‘Don’t worry Doctor, I believe you know lots of interesting people.’ 

‘Thank you, Yaz. Always defending my honour.’ Yaz grinned, patting her shoulder again. Ryan glanced between them, sensing the spark that was flickering again. Before he could say anything, the waiter came up behind him, clearly wanting to speak to him.

‘Sir, would you like some more wine?’ Taken by surprise, Ryan glanced around at the group, unsure. The Doctor subtly nodded, letting him know it was okay to order some more. 

‘Er yeah, sure. More of the same please.’ The waiter jotted it down, and turned back to him.

‘Very good sir, and some more for your lady friend?’ He asked, gesturing to Yaz. It took Ryan a moment to fully register what the waiter was implying, but Yaz sat up straight in her seat, eyes widening in surprise. Graham choked on his next mouthful. The Doctor… well, her face dropped, losing the joviality from a few moments ago. It only lasted a second, before she plastered a fake smile back on her face. Before Ryan could answer the waiter, Yaz answered for him, salvaging the situation. 

‘Yes, I’ll have some more of the house white, please.’ She said shortly, hating that he was talking to her through Ryan. At the same time, it was hilarious that ‘the assumption’ had sprung up again. 

‘Very good ma’am.’ He took another order off Graham, but the Doctor politely declined. When the waiter left, Ryan and Yaz shared a look. Then they dissolved into silent hysterics. 

‘Oh god, not again!’ Ryan complained, slumping in his chair. Yaz grinned at him, laughing behind her hands. 

‘Why does that keep happening? I mean, do we honestly look like we’re going out?’ 

Ryan grinned at her.

‘I mean, you are hot, Yaz. Maybe he was checking to see if you were available.’ Yaz guffawed at that, gently slapping at his arm. 

‘Well, you are the one that said I was too good for Danny Biswas…’ She joked, causing Ryan to groan. 

‘Yaz, that was one time! That was an accidental compliment.’ She grinned.

‘And I’ll never let you forget it.’ Ryan sighed with exasperation. To tell the truth, Ryan had once considered Yaz as a potential interest. They’d always got on, and during school there had been a flicker of interest, at least on his part. When they’d started travelling with the Doctor, he had wondered if it would go anywhere. However, his feelings had changed the more he got to know her, and not in a bad way. He felt like he had gained a sister rather than a crush, and it was great to have a female best friend that he could just talk about anything with. Yaz had once described them as ‘platonic soulmates,’ and that was really, really accurate. So when they flirted and bantered, he knew it was all in jest, and he felt comfortable in knowing that. He knew that there would be no awkward unrequited crush on either half of their friendship. 

He glanced up at the Doctor, who was watching their exchange with interest. Her eyes mostly remained on Yaz, he noted. Graham seemed to have noticed the change in her too, but didn’t comment on it. Instead, he tried to change the subject. 

‘Alright, that’s quite enough banter, you two.’ The younger of the team members looked at each other before rolling their eyes at Graham. They turned to tuck until the next dish, when the waiter returned with the wine. 

‘Here you go sir, the red wine for you, and for your lady friend, the white.’ He set the glasses down on the table. Ryan and Yaz shared a look, smirking. They both picked up their wine to drink at the same time. 

‘Er, yeah, thanks mate.’ Ryan said awkwardly, before taking a sip. The waiter, however, wasn’t finished. 

‘Sir, may I recommend the oysters for your next course? They are quite the aphrodisiac!’ Yaz choked on her wine, whilst Ryan spat out his drink. Graham’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline, and the Doctor’s jaw dropped. Ryan looked at the Doctor in panic, now trying to avoid looking at Yaz. They often joked and bantered, but this was too far, even for them. He couldn’t get the words out to answer the waiter. The Doctor felt his panic and decided to diffuse the situation. 

‘No, we’re good thank you, that’ll be all!’ The waiter bowed, not seeming to notice the awkwardness he had launched across the table. He turned away, ready to misread the signals on another table. The group were left in silence, unable to look at each other. Ryan thanked the Doctor by nodding, but was still avoiding eye contact with Yaz. Yaz, meanwhile, looked down at the table, lips pressing against the rim of her glass. Graham put his spoon down on the table. He decided to speak up. 

‘Well, he was eager to please. Thought he wasn’t going to leave your side at one point, Ryan.’ Ryan looked at Graham, then at the Doctor, then finally at Yaz. Yaz looked back at him, now biting her lip. He could see the mirth twitch in the corners of her mouth. At that sight, he felt relief return to his limbs and felt his mouth quirk into a smile, repressing the laugh he could feel building up from his stomach. Yaz’s eyes flashed at him, begging. 

‘Don’t you dare,’ she whispered through gritted teeth, repressing her own humour. He coughed out a laugh at that, which caused a woman from another table to turn around and look at them. Ryan noticed and put his hand over his mouth, holding in the laughter. 

‘I’m trying Yaz, I’m… trying not to… but he said…’

‘I know what he… what he said.’ Yaz pressed down another laugh, supressing it. They were both trying so hard not to laugh, not in the fanciest establishment in the galaxy. They both took a deep breath, before reaching to take a drink from their glasses. They set them down simultaneously, having calmed down a bit. 

‘Man, he really wants us to be together doesn’t he?’ Ryan commented, still grinning but now taking a bite of his dish. At his words, the Doctor’s fingers tightened a little around her glass. She took a quick sip of the wine and set it down with a thud. She clearly hadn’t realised how loudly she had set it down, as three pairs of eyes turned to her in surprise. 

‘Doc, you alright there?’ Graham asked with concern. She nodded in the affirmative, although it seemed too enthusiastic, even for the Doctor. 

‘Yep, fine. Fine and dandy. Right as rain. I’m just gonna nip to the loo. Carry on without me!’ Without another word, she jumped up from her seat and moved away from the table. Her three companions watched her go, confusion written all over their faces. A beat passed, before Ryan spoke. 

‘Okay, what just happened there?’ Both Graham and Ryan instinctively turned to Yaz for the solution, as if she would know the answer. 

‘I-I don’t know.’ She said, genuinely none the wiser. Graham looked over her shoulder to see if he could still see the Doctor, but she had vanished around the corner of the bar. 

‘She’s been a bit off since that waiter started serving us. Maybe she’s suspicious of him for some reason?’ Graham questioned, starting to think that this relaxing evening out wasn’t going to be so relaxing after all. Ryan groaned at that.

‘Really? Not an investigation on our day off!’ 

Yaz turned in her chair to see if she could still see the Doctor, but she had gone from their line of vision. 

‘Okay, I’m going to go and find her, see if she’s alright.’ Yaz started to get up from her chair, bustling her skirts together and then letting them fall against her legs as she stood up. ‘Won’t be long.’ 

‘Sure? Want us to come with?’ Graham asked. Yaz shook her head. 

‘Nah it’s fine. She might have just genuinely gone to the loo.’ Yaz didn’t believe what she was saying for a second. She had seen the way the Doctor had held that glass in her hand. The way she watched the waiter as he served them. She knew something wasn’t right. But she hoped she was wrong. The boys nodded at her, and she went in search of the Doctor. 

Yaz passed the other tables quickly, not taking in the array of other species that dined around her. Her head was too full of worry. Was the Doctor okay? What was wrong? Was there a bigger danger here that had pulled her away? Was it something to do with the waiter? Yaz’s copper instincts kicked in, as she surveyed the room for any sign of suspicious activity. Something in her gut told her that they were all safe, but there was no harm in being vigilant. 

Once she was away from the tables, she passed the bar and headed towards the lavatories. She turned the corner, and was suddenly mesmerised. There, just around the bend was a massive viewing window of Jupiter. Everyone else was busy wining and dining to notice the huge planet that they were orbiting. The oranges and browns swirled past the window. Yaz’s eyes cast down, and there was the Doctor, looking out at the massive planet. She had her back to Yaz, and had her hands in her pockets. So, not in the loo then. 

Yaz took a deep breath and headed in the direction of her friend. They’d been in a similar situation before where the Doctor had vanished and Yaz had cautiously approached her. Yaz’s stomach seemed to flip as she drew nearer. Not now, she thought, not when she’d had loads of food and wine. Being sick in front of the Doctor would not be a good move. Finally, she reached the Doctor’s side, and looked straight ahead at the planet before them. Best to move in with a safe subject first. Yaz registered when the Doctor realised she was there, as she slightly jolted out her silent reverie. 

‘Jupiter is the biggest planet in our solar system, right?’ She could sense the Doctor nod next to her. 

‘That’s right. Five points to Yasmin Khan.’ Yaz grinned at that, and relaxed a little. The butterflies settled slightly. 

‘It’s so beautiful. And so, so big. It’s so hard to comprehend. A bit like time travel, really.’ 

‘Yeah, I suppose it is.’ The Doctor responded. There was a pause.

‘You know what else is hard to comprehend? Why a certain Time Lord is all the way over here, when her friends are missing her company at the finest restaurant in the galaxy.’ Yaz commented, still looking at the vast planet. She moved nearer to the Doctor, slightly poking her in the side with her finger. 

‘I just went to the loo, and got distracted,’ the Doctor lied. Yaz turned to face her.

‘And what really happened?’ She asked softly. The Doctor turned to look at her, surprised at Yaz’s perceptiveness. 

‘What do you mean?’ She asked, sounding a little nervous. Yaz hooked her arm around the Doctor’s, letting her hand rest in the crook of the Doctor’s elbow. 

‘We were concerned the waiter was up to something. Is everyone here safe?’ She asked more quietly, not wanting to alert anyone to their suspicions. To her surprise, the Doctor looked at her in confusion. 

‘The waiter? He’s harmless, if a little… inappropriate.’ The Doctor chose her words carefully. ‘There’s no danger here.’ She added. Yaz blew out a sigh of relief. 

‘Thank goodness.’ 

‘Is that what you were worried about?’ The Doctor asked her seriously. Yaz shrugged. 

‘Well, you seemed to be suspicious of him, and then you ran off. We thought something might be wrong, so I came to find you.’ The Doctor turned her face away, looking back at the planet. She was silent for a moment, her expression changing. 

‘I wasn’t suspicious. I just didn’t like him.’ Yaz tightened her grip on the Doctor’s arm. 

‘Why not?’ The Doctor turned her head back to Yaz, pulling her closer. 

‘I… just didn’t like his manner.’

‘But you like everyone!’ 

‘Most people, yes, but I didn’t like the way he was so presumptive.’ 

‘Of me and Ryan?’ 

‘Yeah.’ 

‘But that happens all the time! It’s a running joke.’ 

‘I know, but…’ The Doctor paused. ‘I wouldn’t want anyone making you feel uncomfortable. The way he was speaking to Ryan about ordering for you, and then the whole oysters thing, showed he had little respect for you.’ The Doctor sighed, tired. ‘Now that I’ve been a woman for a while, I’m really starting to see why being a woman is harder. I just never want you to feel bad, especially on a night out like tonight.’ 

Yaz gave her a small smile, squeezing her arm gently. 

‘I’m having a great time, don’t you worry Doctor. I just hope you are too.’ The Doctor’s smile returned, and she brought her hand to cover over Yaz’s on her arm. 

‘My night seems to have picked up again.’ Yaz’s heart leapt when she felt the Doctor’s hand come into contact with hers. The Doctor’s eyes scanned over her face, flickering between her eyes and her lips. Yaz’s heart started thudding erratically. Was she moving in? When had they got so close? They were suddenly broken out of their bubble by the sound of chatter.

‘Doctor? Is that really you?’ The pair turned to find a woman in a dark red dress looking at them in wonder and excitement. The Doctor squinted, trying to work out who was addressing her. 

‘Caroline? Caroline Parker?’ The Doctor inquired. Caroline rushed over to them, putting out her hand to grab onto the Doctor, causing Yaz to let go of her. She pulled herself up a little and planted a kiss on her cheek. The Doctor looked at her, stunned. Caroline pulled back, beaming a toothy smile up at her. 

‘The one and the only. Best reporter this side of the galaxy. Or so people tell me.’ Caroline cackled. Yaz could already feel her irritation start to rise. 

‘What brings you here?’ The Doctor asked cordially. Yaz glanced at her friend, and could tell the tell-tale signs that she wasn’t happy to see this woman. Her hands were fisted into her pockets, and she glanced at Yaz, begging for help. Caroline didn’t seem to notice and carried on. 

‘Well, this place needs reviewing and they wanted to best writers, so here I am.’ God, she was getting more obnoxious. 

‘Right, well, that’s good,’ the Doctor commented. She looked back at Yaz, and extended her arm to her, willing her to take it. Reading her cue, Yaz happily took the Doctor’s arm back and stood flush to her side. Caroline watched the interchange.

‘Ah yes, the Doctor and her companion. Loving the new female body Doctor, talk about an upgrade!’ The Doctor blushed, and Yaz felt for her. She gave her arm a gentle squeeze. I’m here, she said through touch. I won’t leave you alone with this woman. Caroline looked between them, devious expression all over her face. 

‘And this must be River Song!’ Yaz blinked in confusion. The Doctor stiffened at the name. 

‘No, Caroline, this is…’ 

‘Oh this must be Rose!’ This time the Doctor looked like she’d been slapped. 

‘No, this is…’ 

‘No hang on, my Doctor history is a little rusty but I can do this. Is this Martha?’ The Doctor recoiled again.

‘No, Caroline, this is…’

‘Donna? Amy?’ 

‘Caroline, I’m trying to tell you…’

‘I’m really bad at this, what a laugh! Okay, I’ve got it, this is Clara! Or are you Bill?’ 

‘My name is Yasmin Khan.’ Yaz practically shouted over the top of the other woman’s ramblings. Caroline cocked her head at her. Her eyes seemed to ponder, before they came back to land on her.

‘Sorry, never heard of you.’ 

‘She’s new to travelling with me.’ The Doctor said protectively. Yaz felt her heart warm a little at the Doctor’s tone, but it was also clenching in tight. Who was River? Or Rose? Or any of the other women Caroline had just listed? The Doctor had never mentioned any of them, but they clearly meant something to her, from the way she had stiffened at each of their names. Yaz had no right to be jealous, none at all. She knew there must have been others before her and the boys, but having it laid out by a stranger made it too real. 

Caroline nodded at her, but had clearly lost interest in Yaz, especially as she wasn’t even on the list. 

‘Doctor, will you join me for a drink? I’d be more than happy to write another article about you!’ 

‘I didn’t want an article written in the first place,’ the Doctor muttered under her breath. Caroline strained forward to hear her. 

‘Sorry Doctor, what was that?’ 

‘I said I’d love to, but I’ve already got plans for this evening. Another time.’ She stated, but not offered. The Doctor unlooped her arm from Yaz, and then brought it round to loop around Yaz’s waist, her hand coming to rest respectfully just above Yaz’s hip. Yaz felt the redness and warmth start to creep up her cheeks, a blush settling yet again. Caroline watched the interchange with interest.

‘Very well, another time.’ She waved them off, turning back to her dinner party. ‘Enjoy your plans.’ The Doctor waved her off, waiting until she had vanished before letting out a sigh of relief.

‘God, I hate the press.’ She muttered to Yaz. She glanced sideways at her friend. ‘Are you alright? I’m sorry about Caroline, she’s a bit much. I try to avoid her, but I always forget what century she lives in.’ 

Yaz nodded, but her mind was still reeling, and it wasn’t from Caroline herself. It was what she had brought up about the Doctor’s past. Yaz didn’t want to be the one to sound all jealous about the Doctor’s exes… wait… were they even exes? Ex-companions? Ex-somethings? From the way the Doctor had reacted, they sounded like they had all been close, in whatever way that was. The Doctor looked at her, reading the questions from Yaz’s face. She loved that she was so expressive. Yaz looked at her, realising the Doctor was trying to read her face. 

‘I don’t want to ask invasive questions.’ She answered the Doctor’s unasked question.

‘But you have questions.’ 

‘Well, yeah, but it’s none of my business.’ 

‘Then ask them.’ The Doctor paused, then whispered. ‘I want to you feel comfortable asking me things, even if you think they’ll hurt me.’ Yaz’s eyes widened at that, so the Doctor continued. ‘I want to be open with you.’

‘But I don’t want to hurt you.’ The Doctor grinned at her, pulling her impossibly closer to her side. 

‘Oh, Yasmin Khan, you are amazing. I probably don’t tell you that enough. Absolutely amazing.’ She then pulled Yaz into a grateful hug, which Yaz immediately reciprocated. Strong arms wrapped around her, and once again she felt like she was in the safest place in the whole universe. 

Yaz whispered into the Doctor’s ear.

‘Not here. Back on the TARDIS?’ She asked, wanting privacy for the conversation. She didn’t want another Caroline interrupting. She felt the Doctor nod into her shoulder. 

‘Okay, back on the TARDIS.’ They stayed in their embrace for a few seconds longer, before slowly extracting themselves from one another. They glanced at each other, before laughing, a little nervously. The Doctor offered her arm to Yaz. 

‘Back to dinner first. You haven’t tried their pecan pie yet!’ Yaz grinned and took the offered arm, allowing the Doctor to lead her back to their friends.


	6. Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor begins to open up about her past, but the team don't expect to have their own demons brought to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter makes reference to 'Children of Earth,' series 3 of Torchwood.

The group made it back to the TARDIS and got out of their finery. As much fun as it had been to dress up, they would feel much more comfortable in their normal gear. The Doctor had insisted they all move into the kitchen, so they could end their adventure with a cup of tea. So there they were, all sat down with their steaming cups, nothing out of the ordinary. 

Except there was. Part of the Doctor’s history had been revealed tonight, and Yaz had so many questions. The Doctor had already said that she would answer any of the questions Yaz had, but Yaz was nervous of asking the wrong thing. There was no easy way to bring up someone’s past, especially when you knew it wasn’t all good. She didn’t know whether to bring it up in front of the boys, or whether they knew already (although she was sure Ryan would have told her if she had). Part of her wanted to keep the Doctor’s past to herself, but she also knew Ryan and Graham had a right to know. 

Luckily, the Doctor didn’t keep her waiting for much longer. Over their evening tea, the Doctor finally decided to be more open with her new team.

‘Listen gang, there’s some things that have come to light today, and I thought it would be a good idea to get them cleared up.’ Ryan and Graham looked at her in confusion, but Yaz knew exactly what she was referring to. The Doctor glanced up at her for a moment, before turning to the boys. 

‘When Yaz found me earlier, a journalist who I met ages ago started blurting out stuff about my past. Stuff that Yaz didn’t know and it left her in an awkward position. I don’t want this to happen again.’ She chanced a quick look at Yaz, before reverting back to the boys. ‘To any of you.’ She finished. 

‘What sort of stuff?’ Ryan asked, looking at Yaz for more information, a little confused as to why she hadn’t said anything earlier. The Doctor cut in. 

‘More specifically, about my past companions.’

‘So there have been people before us? Travelling with you I mean?’ Ryan asked. Graham nudged him, urging him to quieten. 

‘Well of course we’re not the first!’

‘No, no it’s okay Graham. It’s understandable that Ryan has that opinion. I’ve not exactly been open with you about my past. Like when we dealt with that dalek. You guys couldn’t understand why I was so terrified.’ 

‘We get it now. It was a monster.’ Yaz summed up quietly. Her thoughts flashed back to that day, not too long ago, when the Earth had nearly been destroyed by that one dalek. 

‘You seemed to have some history with it Doc. You’ve clearly dealt with them before?’ Graham knew she had, but he wanted to hear it from her. The Doctor nodded.

‘The daleks and I go way back.’ 

‘What did they do?’ Ryan asked. The Doctor took a deep breath, swallowing hard. She hated opening up, but she had promised she would. 

‘So many atrocities. So many deaths. They have taken so many people I love, and they just keep coming back.’ She paused, realising that her voice had become louder, the more her anger increased, thinking about her past. She could tell the group didn’t want to press much further, but she owed them an explanation. ‘The worst thing they were involved with was something called The Time War. The daleks were destroying civilisations. They would have destroyed the entire universe if I hadn’t stopped them. But in doing so, my own people were taken with them. All of them.’ From the shocked expressions on her friends’ faces, she could tell this is not where they thought the conversation was going to go. 

‘Doctor, I’m so sorry.’ Yaz looked up at her with shining eyes, reaching across the table to clasp at her hand. She didn’t even notice the look Ryan and Graham shared; she was just focused on giving the Doctor some sort of comfort. The Doctor watched as Yaz’s hand clasped hers, and she squeezed back, thanking her for the support. But she pressed on. 

‘Long story short, there was a long time when I thought the daleks had taken everything, but then it turned out Gallifrey wasn’t gone and my people were safe in a time bubble, but that’s a story for another day.’ 

‘So your planet is still out there? The daleks didn’t destroy them?’ Graham asked. 

‘Not all of them, no. The thing is, I know they’re safe. But I lived for centuries not knowing that they were alive. Thinking that I’d let them die. I was a broken man after the Time War, and those memories are still in my head. They won’t ever go away.’ There was a silence that captured the entire room. No one knew how to respond to the Doctor’s revelations. 

‘I can’t picture you in a war.’ Ryan commented, looking up at his friend with regret. He’d seen flashes of the soldier the Doctor could be in battle situations, but those had been out of necessity. He couldn’t imagine the Doctor signing up for any kind of war. 

‘There wasn’t any choice. The daleks would have destroyed everything.’ She paused for a moment. ‘Thing is, you lot, the human race, have met daleks before. Many times.’ They looked up at her in surprise. 

‘What? I think I’d remember a ruddy dalek shooting at me!’ Graham burst out. 

‘Do you remember the Battle of Canary Wharf?’ Yaz and Ryan shook their heads, but Graham nodded.

‘Yeah, those robot men took control of the tower, and went global. Started marching into people’s homes. I was alright, they didn’t touch my street, but we still had to hide.’ He glanced at Ryan and Yaz. ‘You two would have had to hide too. Maybe your parents were very good at keeping it away from you.’ He looked at the Doctor. ‘The news said it was some new invention malfunction. Not alien.’ 

‘Well, the news would say that. But no, the daleks were involved then too.’ She didn’t elaborate further on that particular event. 

‘Remember when Earth was pulled half way across the universe?’ 

‘I thought that was a hoax?’ Ryan asked innocently. The Doctor shook her head. 

‘Very much not a hoax. My friends and I were the ones who brought you all home…’ 

‘With the TARDIS!’ Yaz finished, remembering what the Doctor had said when defeating Tim Shaw. The Doctor gave her a small smile.

‘Well, the daleks were the ones who moved you. They live to destroy. That’s why they cry exterminate.’ 

‘How come we don’t remember this stuff?’ Graham asked, hating that he couldn’t remember things that had happened in the past decade. 

‘I’m guessing your governments must be selective in what information the public remember. It’s easy enough. People like to pretend that monsters like the daleks don’t exist. So it makes it easier to dismiss things like aliens as hoaxes.’ 

Ryan was trying to rack his brains for memories of extra-terrestrial visits in his childhood, aware that his world had expanded before he’d even met the Doctor. He remembered being in the playground in primary school, playing football with his friends, when all the children had stopped. Just frozen. Suddenly a very vivid, terrifying memory came to the forefront of his mind.

We. We are. We are coming. We are. Here. 

 

‘Oh my god!’ He yelped, hand covering his mouth in shock. He leapt up from his seat, the horror flooding his mind. The group looked up at him in alarm. 

‘Ryan, what is it son?’ Graham asked anxiously. However, instead of turning to Graham, Ryan turned to Yaz.

‘Yaz, do you remember that week in primary? When the teachers were really freaked out because we were speaking in unison?’ Yaz looked at him in confusion. 

‘What year?’ She asked, scouring through her own mind. It definitely rang a bell. She could feel a dull image of something lurking in the back of her memory, but she hadn’t recalled it yet. She felt suddenly on edge, like the image would launch itself in attack at any moment. Except she didn’t know what it was. It lurked like a shark, waiting in the watery shadows. 

‘Year 5 or 6. It was near the summer holidays!’ Giving her the time frame suddenly sparked her memory and the horror returned for her. 

We. We are. We are coming. We are. Here. 

Yaz’s hands came up to her own face, the fear and uncertainty of that horrible week spilling out. Her eyes widened in terror. 

‘Oh my god, I remember!’ Yaz jumped up too, and went to grab Ryan into a huge hug. He immediately returned her embrace, terror building between them. The Doctor looked between them, extremely worried. 

‘Yaz, Ryan, what is it?’ 

Graham suddenly jolted, his memory returning too. 

‘Oh my god, no! Not that, please no!’ Graham stood up now, and tried to gather the two younger companions in his arms. He could feel them trembling beneath him, the memories too real. ‘It’s alright you two, it’s alright. It’s gone. Whatever was in your heads, is gone. It’s been gone for years.’ 

The Doctor jumped up from her seat, and came to examine the group. She didn’t touch them, but she skirted around them, trying to catch a glimpse of their faces. 

‘Yaz, Ryan, please, tell me what you remember!’ They stayed clinging to each other, too horrified to move. Graham looked at her over Yaz’s shoulder, alarm growing on his face. 

‘Doc, what do we do?’ 

‘What are they remembering?’ She asked him, trying desperately to work it out, but not getting anywhere. Graham didn’t want to add more trauma by saying the name out loud. He moved away from Yaz and Ryan, and held up both his hands to the Doctor. He held up his fingers in stages, allowing the Doctor to count them. First he held up four. Then five. Then six. She looked at him in confusion, so he repeated. Four fingers. Five fingers. Six fingers. The Doctor’s mouth fell open in shock. She knew immediately what he was referring to. 

‘And they were involved?’ She gestured to her friends, and Graham nodded.

‘Yeah, they were the right age at the wrong time.’ He shuddered thinking about it. The Doctor ran her hands through her hair. She looked as if she were about to be sick. 

‘Oh my god,’ she whispered to herself, before recovering. She removed her hands from her hair and approached her friends. She put one hand on Ryan’s shoulder, and the other on Yaz’s. 

‘Ryan, Yaz, whatever it is, we can fight your memories. It’s over. There’s no need to be afraid. You’re safe.’ Under her touch, she felt Yaz start to move back, and she finally let go of Ryan. He was reluctant, reaching for her momentarily, but then retreated back. Yaz looked up the Doctor, the terror in her eyes still there. Her pupils were dilated, her eyes blackened. The Doctor encouraged her to sit down. 

‘That’s it Yaz, just take a seat’ She turned to Ryan, easing him down. ‘Sit down slowly, there’s a good lad.’ She gestured to Graham to come and help Ryan, whose legs were shaking so much he was having trouble balancing without Yaz propping him up. Graham was immediately at this side, gently lowering him into his seat. The Doctor turned her attention back to Yaz. The Doctor wrapped an arm around her shoulders, lowering her into the chair. The Doctor could feel Yaz’s shallow breaths coming out far too quickly. 

‘I’ve got you Yaz, you’re safe. I promise.’ Yaz sat down on the edge of her seat, her posture ram-rod straight. 

‘Doctor!’ She barked out, trying to gain some control over her breathing. She could feel her chest burning at the lack of oxygen. She felt so cold, her body trembling from the fear running through her veins. The Doctor could hear Ryan’s reaction behind her; could hear the same reaction to the memories. She glanced at him, seeing Graham trying to comfort him quietly. She quickly turned her attention back to Yaz. ‘I’m…I’m so cold.’ The Doctor instantly felt for Yaz’s forehead. Yaz was cool but clammy, and her trembling seemed to get more violent. 

‘Shh, shh, it’s alright Yaz.’ The Doctor whipped off her coat, and set it across Yaz’s shoulders, in an attempt to keep her warm. Yaz tugged it tight around her, seeking comfort from the Doctor’s favourite item of clothing. The Doctor knelt down in front of Yaz, leaning on Yaz’s knees. ‘Yaz, focus on my voice, alright? Try to drown out everything else, and zone in on me.’ Yaz bent down slightly, hunching over. The Doctor reached up and took one of Yaz’s hands in hers. ‘You’re in the TARDIS. You’re safe. You’re with me. I’ll never let that thing get you. I promise Yaz. I promise you.’ She felt Yaz squeeze her hand, hard and anxious, and she closed her eyes in response. 

‘Doc, I think it’s getting worse!’ Graham yelled out. The Doctor turned her head to see Ryan completely bent over, the shaking going beyond violent into a new realm. Her mouth dropped, but then a plan came to her. 

‘I’ve got an idea,’ she told Graham, before turning back to Yaz. She stood up so she was in line with Yaz’s face, and held out her hands to either side of Yaz’s temples. At her touch, Yaz opened her eyes, blinking urgently at the Doctor. She recoiled slightly. 

‘No, no, absolutely not. Not after last time!’ Yaz argued, still shaking, but the new situation gave her a purpose. There was no way she was going to expose the Doctor to these memories, especially after what had happened the last time the Doctor got into her head. The Doctor protested, desperately.

‘It’s alright, different mechanism from last time. This is just a simple mind wipe. I can take away the bad memories.’ She moved forward again but Yaz moved her head back. 

‘I’m not gonna expose you to…’ She was cut off by a cry from Ryan. The Doctor jolted away from Yaz, and swung round to find Ryan screaming into his hands.

‘Please, please Doctor, take them away! Take all the memories away!’ He yelled hysterically. ‘I can’t take it anymore!’ 

Graham urged her forward.

‘Doc, please, it’s tormenting him!’ The Doctor was with Ryan in less than a heartbeat. She placed both her hands to the sides of his face, and closed her eyes. Ryan trembled under her touch, but his breathing began to even out as the Doctor lulled him into some kind of trance. Graham moved over to Yaz, putting an arm around her shoulders while they watched the Doctor… wipe Ryan’s mind? Graham glanced down at Yaz and saw she was watching the Doctor intensely, the worry clear all over her face. After a few moments, the Doctor opened her eyes. She moved her hands away from Ryan’s face and moved to catch him as he passed out under her. He slumped forwards in his chair. Worry rising, Graham moved away from Yaz and rushed towards his grandson. 

‘Is he alright Doc? What happened?’ He asked urgently, as the Doctor propped Ryan back up. She gently placed his upper body and head on the table, so that he was half laying on the surface. His eyes were closed, but the trembling had stopped. Graham kneeled down in front of Ryan, gently nudging him.

‘Ryan?’ The young man didn’t stir, now heavily sedated on the table. The Doctor took a step back, breathing in deeply.

‘He’ll be fine, Graham. That always happens after a mind wipe.’ She looked down at the pair. ‘I only erased the memories from that event. He’ll remember everything else.’ 

‘How can you be sure?’ Graham asked, turning slightly to look at her. He looked up at her, half grateful, half confused. 

‘Trust me Graham, I’m very good with mind wipes. One of my secret talents.’ 

‘Yeah, you certainly kept that one quiet!’ Graham uttered. He glanced up at Yaz, who was still hunched over, trembling and looking as pale as a ghost. The Doctor still had one more patient. She turned away from the boys and crouched down in front of the young woman, trying to get into her eye line. 

‘Yaz? The offer still stands.’ She whispered softly. ‘I can make it all go away.’ She brought her hands to cup Yaz’s shaking ones. Yaz gulped, taking a deep breath. She was still trembling, but the tremors were starting to even out. She shook her head at the Doctor’s suggestion. 

‘Won’t let you. Don’t want you to see that.’ The Doctor’s hearts stopped in her chest. Here was Yasmin Khan, shaking in terror at horrific memories from her past, yet she was trying to protect the Doctor from the hell raging inside her mind. This young woman was beyond incredible. And infuriating. 

‘Yaz…’

‘I said no, Doctor.’ Yaz said, bluntly. She hadn’t meant for it to come out so angry. The Doctor nodded at her, accepting defeat. 

‘Okay Yaz.’ She brought her forehead to lean against Yaz’s knees, exhausted by everything. The one thing she could do to stop her friend suffering, and she wouldn’t let her do it. But she had to accept Yaz’s decision. Suddenly, she felt a hand on top of her head. Gentle fingers ran through her hair, running from her scalp to strands at the ends. She didn’t move. She just let Yaz run her shaky hand through her hair, soothing them both. 

Xxx

After setting Ryan to lie down in a more comfortable place, the Doctor asked Graham to keep an eye on him, whilst she tended to Yaz.

‘Of course I will. But he’ll be okay, right?’ The Doctor nodded emphatically.

‘He’ll be much better. He won’t remember any of the fear or what happened when he was a child. If someone brings it up, it’ll just be a story to him.’ Graham blew out a sigh of relief, but then remembered. 

‘But what about Yaz?’ He asked quietly, keeping an eye on the girl who was still wrapped up in the Doctor’s coat. He didn’t think she would be taking it off anytime soon. The Doctor glanced at Yaz briefly, worry all over her face. 

‘I don’t know. She won’t let me help her.’ 

‘I guess she’s worried about what happened last time.’ 

‘But it’s different!’

‘You say that Doc, but to her it isn’t. To her, it’s you putting yourself at risk. Again.’ 

The Doctor nodded at that. She couldn’t really argue with that logic. 

‘I’ll stay with her.’ The Doctor told him. Graham nodded in acknowledgement, before turning back to Ryan. 

She came back to Yaz, who was sat down, watching Graham attend to Ryan. As the Doctor approached, Yaz glanced up, giving her a small smile. The trembling had nearly stopped, but Yaz could still feel her heart pumping away hard in her chest. The Doctor smiled softly at her, before taking a seat next to her. Yaz could feel the warmth radiating off her friend, wanting nothing more than to just sink into it. The Doctor must have read her mind, because she brought her arm around Yaz’s waist, pulling her comfortingly closer to her side. Yaz didn’t recoil; she just let herself be lulled and protected. She leant her head against the Doctor’s shoulder, exhausted by the evening’s events. The memories were still there, but they seemed more distant, now that the Doctor was much, much closer. She felt the Doctor lean against her in response, the arm around her tightening. 

‘I think my coat suits you. You should wear it more often.’ The Doctor whispered into her hair, causing thrills to run down Yaz’s body. Yaz nodded, not trusting herself to speak, but letting the Doctor know that she appreciated the comment. She felt the Doctor squeeze back gently in response. They sat in silence, watching Graham and Ryan for a few moments. Finally, the Doctor asked what she needed to know.

‘Why won’t you let me get rid of them?’ She asked gently. Yaz pulled the coat around her tighter, almost like a protection blanket. 

‘Memories define us. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ She said. That wasn’t the full truth, and the Doctor knew it. 

‘You don’t have to protect me, Yaz.’ 

‘I know.’

‘So…?’ 

‘I’m not putting you at risk.’

‘But I’m fine. Ryan’s fine. It’s not like last time. I’ve already seen what you’ve seen.’ 

‘And I don’t want to put you through it a second time.’ 

‘Yaz, please, I’ll be fine…’

Yaz lifted her head up off the Doctor’s shoulder, and turned to look the Doctor in the eyes. 

‘Who takes away your bad memories, Doctor? Of the daleks? Of the time war?’ The Doctor looked at her, really looked at her. Yaz could feel the Doctor reading deep into her soul. 

‘Yaz…’ she started, but Yaz shushed her. 

‘I can’t do that for you. I wish I could.’ She paused, before softly saying ‘so let me do the closest thing I can to it.’ The Doctor’s mouth kept opening and closing. Yaz could tell she would argue her way out, but Yaz was not backing down on this. She would do everything she could to protect her friend. Yaz, exhausted by strain of the day, turned her head back and resumed her position on the Doctor’s shoulder. The Doctor was frozen for a moment, torn between respecting Yaz’s wishes and disregarding them, but the feel of Yaz against her shoulder brought her back to reality. She glanced down at the human in her arms, feeling the warmth seep into her hearts. Gently, oh so gently, she leaned down and pressed her lips against Yaz’s forehead. She pressed them there for a few, long seconds. 

At the gentle touch, Yaz’s heart started hammering away. At least this time it was with a different kind of fear. The Doctor then pulled her lips away, and resumed her position from before, her head leaning against Yaz’s. The Doctor held Yaz tighter around her waist, not willing to let go for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you wondering what the monster is, it's the 456 from series 3 of Torchwood. https://tardis.fandom.com/wiki/The_456  
> The idea popped into my head after watching Torchwood and wondering what the companions would have been up to then. It dawned on me that Ryan and Yaz were the perfect age for when the 456 were around. I was intrigued to know what happened to them.


	7. Realisation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz battles with her inner demons, while the rest of the team remain worried about her. What's the solution?

The Doctor and Graham were worried about Yaz. She seemed to have withdrawn into herself, taking a back seat in conversation when the gang were on an adventure, or even just hanging out in the TARDIS. Ryan had no negative effects from the mind wipe, and was back to his happy-go-lucky self. But he could see Yaz wasn’t herself, even if he couldn’t remember why.

After a particularly strenuous adventure, Yaz had taken herself off to her room, the third time that week. She hadn’t met the Doctor’s gaze as she passed her, quietly drifting away. The Doctor hated this. It would be so easy to erase the memories, but Yaz had been adamant in her refusal. The Doctor had gone against previous friends’ wishes in the past (for their own protection) but she had made a vow to herself to listen to Yaz. No matter how hard it was to watch her friend suffering. 

Once Yaz had left the room, the Doctor slumped forward against the console, and blew out a heavy sigh. Graham leaned against one of the columns, crossing his arms. Ryan looked to where Yaz had just vanished to, confusion written all over his face.

‘Okay, that’s the third time that’s happened this week. What’s up with Yaz?’ He asked, purposely talking to the Doctor. He looked at her as if she had something to do with it. Well, he wasn’t totally wrong. 

‘I’m not sure, but I don’t like it.’ The Doctor replied. 

‘Have you two fallen out or something?’ Ryan asked directly. The Doctor’s face dropped with indignation. 

‘No, of course not! We never fall out!’ 

Ryan held up his hands in surrender. 

‘Okay, okay, I was just asking! She just seems really out of it. She hasn’t talked to you properly in days, and you’re like, her favourite person!’ The Doctor didn’t respond to that, but felt her insides warm a little at the small confession. 

‘I think she’s just got a lot on her mind, son. Why don’t you go and talk to her?’ Ryan shrugged, happy enough to go and try. 

‘Alright, I’ll see what I can do.’ Ryan headed off after Yaz, leaving the Doctor and Graham in the control room. The Doctor turned to Graham, looking to him for advice.

‘This is so hard Graham. If only she’d let me help her. She could be free of the memories and back to her happy self.’ 

Graham could only nod in agreement.

‘I agree with you Doc, but she’s also made her choice. We just have to help her in the best way we can.’ The Doctor looked at him in surprise. 

‘How?’ She asked quietly, at a loss. She had never seen Yaz so despondent, and it was hurting her to watch. 

‘By being there.’ He said simply. The Doctor sighed, leaning against the console.  
‘I should have been there.’ She muttered, more to herself. She pressed a button, pulled a lever and set the TARDIS into flight. Graham noticed that she was being a tad more aggressive with the console than she usually was. 

‘What do you mean?’ He responded, not liking to see the Doctor stewing away in her own self-loathing. The Doctor continued to fiddle with parts of the console. 

‘If I’d been there, I could have stopped it all from happening. Could have stopped Ryan, Yaz, and all the other children from suffering.’ She paused. ‘But no, no, I had to be swanning off across time and space, didn’t I!’ She didn’t hit the console, but Graham could tell she was getting closer to the edge of her rage. 

‘But Doc, you’ve saved the Earth so many times! And it all worked out okay in the end. All the kids were fine!’ The Doctor looked at him across the console, the rage at herself slowly burning. 

‘My friend had to be the one to clean it up. He made an impossible choice, and he lost everything. All because I wasn’t there.’ She could see Jack in her mind’s eye, and shuddered at the image. So much guilt. Even after all this time. 

Graham had had enough of the Doctor hating herself. She didn’t deserve to feel like this. He moved away from the column and came right up to her, his frustration palpable. 

‘You listen to me, Doc. You can’t be everywhere. The whole of time and space at your disposal? Brilliant! But you can’t blame yourself for something that happened when you weren’t there. Us humans, we’re grateful you look out for us, but we also need to fend for ourselves.’ He paused, then tried to lighten the mood. ‘Even you need a holiday.’ The Doctor looked at him gratefully. 

‘You know, I think we could all use a break.’ Before he could ask what she meant, she started setting in new coordinates, programming a new flight path for the TARDIS. 

Xxxx

‘I’m alright Ryan, really, I’m just knackered.’

‘That’s bollocks Yaz, and you know it.’ Ryan stood in the doorway of Yaz’s room, not getting very far with Yaz. They were best mates and everything, but Ryan still sometimes felt like he struggled to understand her. But he was trying. When Yaz didn’t respond, he pushed himself away from the doorframe, and came to sit on her bed beside her. ‘You can talk to me, you know.’ He stated, gently nudging her with his arm. 

Yaz attempted a weak smile, but it fell flat almost straight away.

‘I know,’ she murmured, looking down at her hands. She didn’t feel like talking to anyone, and she certainly couldn’t talk to Ryan about what was going on in her head. She was glad he didn’t remember anymore, but she also missed having someone who knew what she had experienced. The Doctor must have had some idea, going into Ryan’s head and all, but it wouldn’t have stayed with her. Again, that brought Yaz some comfort. 

Ryan looked across at her.

‘You can’t keep hiding away in here, Yaz. You’ve got three people here who are worried about you.’

‘You don’t need to be!’

‘Doesn’t stop us though.’ 

Yaz sighed, fiddling with her fingers. She just wanted to be left alone. 

‘Is it the Doctor?’ Ryan asked softly, wary that this was new territory for both him and Yaz. That certainly got her attention. Her eyes snapped up to his, alarm clearly evident.

‘What about her?’ Yaz questioned, not understanding what he was getting at. Ryan shrugged casually. 

‘I dunno, you just seem kind of off with her, and…’ he paused, not sure where to go with this. Sure, he’d seen the spark between them, but what did he know? Yaz might not even be into girls. 

‘And?’ 

‘I… dunno. If you wanted to talk about her, you can, y’know. If you’re feeling… confused or whatever.’ Yaz’s eyes widened in panic. 

‘Confused?’ Dear god, it was like getting blood from a stone! Ryan decided to get to the point. 

‘Yaz, do you like the Doctor?’ 

‘Well, of course I like the Doctor,’ she said, too quickly. This was heading into territory she did not want to delve into right now. 

‘No, but do you like, like her?’ Ryan asked plainly. Ryan could see the fear in Yaz’s eyes. 

‘What? Don’t be ridiculous! I’m not…’ She paused, not sure how to finish that sentence. Sure, she and the Doctor were close. Very close. The Doctor was her favourite person in the universe, but because she was her best friend. One of her only friends. The Doctor showed her the wonders of the universe, had opened her eyes to so much. So what if she admired the Doctor? ‘I really admire her. She’s amazing.’

‘You’re right, she is amazing. But I’ve seen you together, Yaz. Always laughing, smiling. You are always blushing around her…’

‘It’s just the glow of the TARDIS!’ Ryan gave her a pointed look.

‘The glow of the TARDIS?’ He repeated, disbelievingly. Yaz shoved him slightly. 

‘Shut up, it’s totally a thing!’ 

‘That you’ve got the hots for the Doctor?’ 

‘Seriously Ryan, if you don’t shut up…’ Ryan laughed kindly. He held up his hands in defeat.

‘Alright, alright, I’ll shut up. But seriously, Yaz, if you were experiencing… a crush… it’s totally normal.’ 

‘I’m not… it’s not like that.’ Yaz stated, a little dejected. Ryan could see she was battling some demons, and perhaps hadn’t come to terms with them yet. But he was patient. He would be there for her, when the time came. He patted her shoulder kindly, before getting up off the bed. 

‘I get it Yaz, no worries. If you need to talk, you know where to find me.’ He turned to leave the room, when he heard Yaz speak behind him. 

‘Thanks mate.’ 

Xxx

Yaz stayed sat on her bed, staring absently at the door Ryan had closed behind him. He had opened a can of worms Yaz had wanted to stay firmly closed. His questions had only highlighted what she had been debating in her head for months, but now that it had been noticed by someone else, she began the cycle of questions again. 

Did she like the Doctor? Of course she did, she was her friend. They looked out for each other. They hugged, like friends do. They held hands, like some friends do. They had shared a bed… a couple of times. Friends still did that. Especially female friends. Girls tended to be more physically affectionate with one another; that’s just how girls are.

But the Doctor used to be a man, Yaz reminded herself. She still wasn’t 100% on how that worked, but she believed the Doctor. That she used to have a different body. She was alien, after all. But did that effect physical affection? Did it even mean anything, or was Yaz just applying a human label to it? The fact that Yaz was trying to apply a deeper meaning to it spoke volumes about her conflict. 

Speaking of labels, Yaz was in a bit of crisis. Call it denial, flexibility, whatever, she was having trouble categorising her feelings. The Doctor was certainly her friend, and that friendship was clearly reciprocated. Yaz knew that. But Yaz also knew what she was like when she had a crush. 

Blushing, stumbling, gravitating, seeking touch as and when it was possible, glancing, watching, waiting, and smiling. Yaz knew she had been acting differently around the Doctor the more she got to know her. The Doctor was amazing. Truly amazing. Yaz was surely just in awe? Admiring a woman in authority, a role model. 

Yaz knew that wasn’t the full story. Yaz catalogued every time the Doctor touched her, hugged her, spoke to her, smiled at her, and laughed with her. She captured every moment in her mind, archiving them away for herself. Yaz knew it wasn’t normal to do that about friends. Not when you had a platonic relationship with them; not when they were the same-sex as you. 

Yaz had never really thought about her own sexuality. It had only ever come up when she had developed crushes at school, and those crushes had all been on boys. Danny Biswas came to her mind as her first real relationship, but it was over after a few weeks of summer fun. Since then, Yaz had focused on her career and getting out of school with decent grades. She had put policing first ahead of her social life, and she hadn’t regretted it. 

With the Doctor however, it was different. Those boys she’d crushed on, sure, she’d got butterflies, nervous around them, happy when they noticed her, but none of them had… Yaz wasn’t sure how to describe it. A pull, a tether, a force. None of them made Yaz gravitate towards them. Not like the Doctor. She just wanted to be around her, like, all the time. 

Another thing that differed was the way the Doctor made her feel. She made her feel special, and welcomed, and appreciated. None of the boys Yaz had crushed on had ever made her feel like that. Danny had a little at first, but Yaz had felt so grateful that he’d noticed her that she didn’t realise when she was being taken for granted, or when she was being belittled. He hadn’t ever been cruel or anything, but she had always felt second best to him. He didn’t always get her, and that had made Yaz insecure. So much so, that she had hidden part of her personality from him, putting on a mask to fit in. 

The Doctor, however, had accepted all of Yaz’s quirks. Yaz had felt comfortable with the Doctor straight away, knowing that she would never be judged. She would never try and demean her, or tear away at her self-esteem. The Doctor made her feel safe. 

Yaz accepted that she had a crush on the Doctor. To be honest, it would be surprising if she hadn’t. Yaz had wondered if Ryan and Graham were as enraptured as her. The Doctor was beautiful, there was no doubt about that. Yaz had watched her friends interact with the Time Lord, but couldn’t seem to see any romantic overtones to their conversations. She felt a little relieved. 

But in accepting that she had a crush, it made Yaz begin to question everything about her own identity. Did having a crush on the Doctor mean she was gay? Bi? Something in-between? Sure, the Doctor appeared female, and accepted feminine pronouns, but Yaz knew she had once answered to male ones. Did gender even apply to Time Lords? Was Yaz just overthinking this? Did it have to have a label? Yaz wondered if she would have had the crush on the Doctor in her male form, and she thinks that she probably would have. Not that she had seen any pictures of the Doctor prior to their meeting. Maybe that would be one of her questions when she and the Doctor could finally talk about her past. 

That was another thing. Was the Doctor even interested in girls? When they’d met Caroline, she had mentioned a lot of women, a whole long list. Not a man’s name anywhere. From the way she had reacted to their names, it had certainly shown that the Doctor had emotional ties with a lot of people. Whether or not they were romantic, was something Yaz didn’t know. Another thing to ask the Doctor. Or not. Was that too personal? 

Yaz sighed to herself. She didn’t want to be on her own anymore. She’d had enough of hiding in her room. She just wanted to see the Doctor, have some company, even if it was just talking. Yaz secretly loved it when it was just the two of them, chatting away for hours on end about everything and anything. Yaz smiled for the first time in days. She’d go and find the Doctor, and they could resume their wild adventures, leaving behind the horrible memories from days ago.

Xxx

When Yaz reached the control room, she was expecting there to be a lot of noise from her three companions, like there usually was. However, it was deathly quiet. Ryan and Graham were nowhere to be seen, and the Doctor was… oh, there she was. The Doctor was looking down at the console, fiddling with something on the dashboard. Her face was absent, her expression showing that she was lost in thought. 

As Yaz approached, the Doctor looked up at her, surprised she was there. 

‘Hey,’ Yaz offered softly, aware that they hadn’t spoken one-on-one in days. That just wasn’t like them.

‘Hey,’ the Doctor responded. ‘You okay?’ She asked, looking at Yaz with worry. The events of the previous few days played heavily on both their minds. Yaz nodded in response, wanting to move past it. 

‘Yeah, I’m okay.’ She paused, coming closer to the console. ‘Are you?’ The Doctor smiled at her affectionately, and Yaz felt her knees go weak.

‘I’m good.’ There was a beat between them. Yaz looked around the console room.

‘Where are Ryan and Graham?’ She asked curiously. The Doctor looked away from her for a moment, back to fiddling with the dashboard.

‘They’ve gone home.’ She answered. Yaz furrowed her brows. 

‘Oh, okay.’

‘And I think you should do the same.’ Yaz felt as if the world had fallen out from underneath her feet.

‘What?’ She asked in a rush, feeling her heart fall. The Doctor caught her dismay, realising her phrasing was off. She came closer to Yaz, drawing a hand up to clutch at her forearm. 

‘Just for a few days, I think it would be good for you to see your family. Maybe do a couple of shifts, if you want.’ She looked down guiltily. ‘Especially after what happened, I think a break would be good for you.’ 

‘But I don’t want to leave…’ The Doctor let her eyes crawl back up to meet Yaz’s. 

‘Yaz, I think a break from… travelling will be good. It’s only a few days.’ Their eyes remained fixed on each other, not wanting to break the electricity that was building. The Doctor’s hand trailed down from Yaz’s forearm, slowly making its way to wrap around Yaz’s fingers. Yaz tightened her hold in response.

‘What will you do?’ Yaz asked quietly. She prayed that the Doctor would stay, but she also knew she was a free spirit. Her life didn’t revolve around them, just because their lives revolved around her. The Doctor blinked at her in surprise.

‘Well, I was planning on sticking around here for a bit. I get a bit lonely knocking about on my own.’ The Doctor stopped, hesitating. ‘Unless, you think it’s best I leave you all alone for a bit? I don’t mind.’ Yaz could tell she clearly did mind. Yaz grinned at the Doctor’s nervousness, finding it endearing. 

‘You soppy alien, of course we want you to stay!’ She pulled the Doctor towards her, bundling her into her arms for a long overdue hug. The Doctor immediately reciprocated, relieved that Yaz was responding to her again. She brought her hands to rest on Yaz’s back, and held her securely. The Doctor smiled into Yaz’s shoulder, happy at seeing Yaz return to her normal self. A few days in Sheffield would surely sort them all out.


	8. Danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz takes some time to go back to her police work. What happens when the Doctor goes undercover? Ft BAMF!Yaz.

Yaz had to admit, the Doctor had been right. As she worked her third shift of the week, she was happy to say that the memories that had resurfaced on the TARDIS weren’t bothering her as much. Obviously, it would take time to adjust to them, but she was no longer withdrawn. Throwing herself into her police work had been the medicine she’d needed. She worked parking disputes, and admin tasks, but she didn’t mind. She knew why. She knew she was going back to travelling, to her new life soon, and that filled her with the motivation she needed to continue with her work. Even work had seemed to become more exciting, with more cases opening up, such as missing persons. 

The beauty of time travel is that Yaz could be gone for months, but her Earth life would remain paused, so she could pick up right where she had left off. It worked for the short term, but Yaz had started thinking about the long term. What happened if she came back at the wrong time? Or what about when she started ageing? Sure, she was young now, but she wouldn’t always be. She didn’t know how long she had with the Doctor, so it was important to keep up her home life. But on the other hand, she couldn’t imagine herself giving up travelling voluntarily. She wanted to travel with the Doctor forever, although that all depended on whether the Doctor would want her for that long. They hadn’t really discussed the future, any of them as a group. They had just enjoyed the present. 

Well, Yaz was here in the present, her real present, and she could already feel the slow pull of real-time pulling slowly at her consciousness. She’d never noticed it before, how slow the slow path truly was. No wonder the Doctor kept travelling. 

Since taking on her shifts, she hadn’t seen the Doctor, or Ryan or Graham. Sure, it had only been four days, but when you are together pretty much 24/7, it feels really weird not to be with them. She especially missed the Doctor’s company; her constant optimism and warmth. Thinking about the Doctor filled Yaz with a happiness she couldn’t quite describe. She was still grappling with what her feelings meant, but the more she thought about the blonde woman, the more she seemed to be sealed into Yaz’s heart. Thinking about what the Doctor was doing at that present moment, probably tinkering about the in the TARDIS, got Yaz through the dull tasks of her day. She thought she’d stop by the TARDIS tonight, maybe invite the Doctor to dinner with her family; properly this time. 

Yaz grinned to herself, as she made her way to work. She pulled into the station, and headed for the locker room. She changed into her uniform, and put her personal possessions into her locker. She checked her phone one more time, but there were no messages. Well, it was still early. She paused, before deciding to call the TARDIS. Might as well ask the Doctor now if she wanted to come for dinner! The tone kept ringing, but there was no answer. Yaz hung up, a little bit deflated, and put her phone in the locker. The Doctor was probably busy, no biggie. But Yaz would have liked to have spoken to her, even if it was just for a minute. 

She made her way through the corridors of the station, in search of Ramesh, her supervisor. They had a funny relationship, as Yaz was always pestering him for exciting tasks. She liked to think of him as her work brother, as he seemed to have a bit of soft spot for her and had taken her under his wing. In a way, he was the reason she had met the Doctor in the first place. If he hadn’t assigned her Ryan’s case, she might never have met her. So she was very grateful for Ramesh. 

She was about to turn into his office, crack some joke in greeting, when she stopped in her tracks. There, sitting on the desk next to her supervisor, was the Doctor. Yaz’s eyes widened in surprise, as the Doctor smiled up at her. However, she shook her head at Yaz, mimicking a zip across her mouth. Yaz understood; pretend not to know her. Easier said than done, Doctor. Luckily Ramesh hadn’t noticed their interchange. He turned when he heard Yaz enter.

‘Hi Yaz. Listen, bit of a surprise, but the Police Commissioner’s office are going round doing random checks of all the northern stations. We’ve been selected, and as you’re our newest officer, you’ve been chosen.’ He turned to the Doctor, who was trying to pull her best official face. Yaz would have laughed if she hadn’t been so confused. ‘Yaz, this is Jane Smith.’ The Doctor stuck her hand out for Yaz to shake. 

‘Hi Yaz, pleasure to meet you.’ Yaz took the Doctor’s hand and shook it. She could swear the Doctor squeezed her hand for a moment longer than necessary, before retracting it. She clapped her hands together in excitement. ‘Right, so we’d best get started. Lots to evaluate!’ Ramesh gave her the side eye but didn’t pass comment. He raised his eyebrows at Yaz, conveying his thoughts. The Doctor didn’t notice, as she bounded out of his office. Yaz smiled at him.

‘Don’t worry Ramesh, I’ll be on my best behaviour.’ 

‘Wouldn’t expect anything less from you, Yaz.’ She grinned at him, before turning to follow the Doctor. What an interesting day this was going to be!

Xxx

Once in the safety of her patrol car, Yaz pulled out of the station and set off on her rounds. The Doctor was in the passenger seat next to her, looking out of the window at the world around her. Yaz grinned to herself, but she was still totally confused. After a few minutes of silence, she finally interrupted the Doctor’s thoughts. 

‘So, Jane, what kind of things are you assessing today?’ The Doctor turned away from the window, looking up at Yaz, a mischievous smile on her face.

‘Oh, y’know, police things.’

‘What kind of police things?’ Yaz countered. 

‘Police things, like… the blue lights and sirens.’

‘I am not putting the sirens on.’

‘Oh go on Yaz, please!’ 

Yaz threw a smile at the Doctor, who stuck her tongue out at the police officer. 

‘Not until there’s a proper emergency, Jane.’ 

The Doctor pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. 

‘You’re no fun, PC Khan.’

‘Am I going to get written up for misconduct?’ Yaz joked. The Doctor mock-glared at her, looking like a small child. 

‘Yep, you’re getting the worst rating the Police Commissioner can give out.’ 

‘Oh, so you’re blackmailing me now? Threatening a bad mark if I don’t put the siren on?’

‘And the lights.’

‘Well Jane, how very unethical. I guess we’ll both lose out.’ They shared a look, and cracked up with laughter. The Doctor looked utterly ridiculous, as she slumped in her seat with her arms crossed over her chest. She grinned at Yaz. She smiled at her in return, before setting her eyes back on the road. She couldn’t let herself get distracted by the Doctor, especially not when she was driving.

‘Now, Doctor, not that I’m not pleased to see you, but… why are you here?’ 

‘What do you mean?’

‘Why are you pretending to be inspecting the station? Or in particular, me?’ 

The Doctor paused, deliberating over her answer. She chewed her lip in thought. 

‘I know you’ve only been back at work for a few days, but have you had much to do with the missing person’s cases?’ Yaz glanced at her in surprise, as she steered down another road.

‘Yeah, but how do you know about those?’ Since being back at work, there had been an unusual amount of missing people being reported into the station. It had been a change of work for Yaz, as more staff were needed to conduct enquiries for the reports. The Doctor shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

‘I have my methods.’

‘Your deductive methods?’ 

‘If you like.’ The Doctor hesitated, then said ‘the TARDIS has been picking up incoming transmissions and I just noticed they seemed unusual. Thought it couldn’t hurt to investigate.’ 

Yaz stayed quiet for a moment, taking in what the Doctor was saying. She nodded. 

‘So you’ve gone undercover?’ Yaz enquired. She hoped the Doctor wouldn’t get found out, but Yaz knew she couldn’t stop her friend when people were in trouble. She would never begrudge the Doctor helping people. Even if it put Yaz’s job at risk. The Doctor flashed the psychic paper in her periphery. 

‘Jane Smith, at your service. I used to go by John Smith, but I guess that had to change. Although maybe I could keep it up on other planets. Having said that, I quite like Jane Smith. Reminds me of a friend I once knew…’

‘Doctor, you’re babbling,’ Yaz commented fondly. The Doctor smiled sheepishly, putting the psychic paper away. 

‘Sorry, y’know I’m a bit of a rambler.’

‘I didn’t say I minded.’ Yaz flashed her another warm smile. ‘I like your rambling,’ she reassured the Doctor. She could sense the Doctor smiling back. There was a companionable silence for a couple of minutes, as Yaz cruised the streets, searching for conflicts and dangers. 

‘There was another reason I went undercover,’ the Doctor confessed, voice just above a whisper. The gentle way the Doctor had announced that surprised Yaz. 

‘What’s that?’ She asked, matching the softness and tone of the Doctor’s voice. The Doctor opened her mouth to answer, when she was interrupted by an incoming transmission. 

‘Yaz, Ramesh here. We need someone to go and interview a family of a missing person. You’re in the area, can you go and do it? We’re swamped back here.’ 

‘Yeah of course, what’s the address?’ 

Ramesh gave details over the intercom, and Yaz digested the information. They were literally a minute’s drive away, so they were best placed to go and investigate. Ramesh thanked her and buzzed off the intercom. Yaz spun the wheel and turned down a new street. 

‘Looks like we’re investigating after all,’ Yaz confirmed to the Doctor. Yaz hadn’t forgotten the conversation from before, but she had something more urgent to focus on now. She had to do her job. 

‘Yes we are. The dream team!’ The Doctor exclaimed, a slight bounce in her seat. Yaz couldn’t help but smile at the Doctor’s enthusiasm. 

Xxx

They pulled up the house in question. It reminded Yaz of Graham and Ryan’s house a bit, with its terraced style and long path up to the front door. She turned to the Doctor fully now, ready to brief her. 

‘We’re going to interview a couple; male, 37, and the woman is 34. The woman’s dad has gone missing, 77, and they haven’t seen him for two days. This isn’t like him, according to the woman. Ready?’ She asked the Doctor, already knowing the answer. 

‘Ready.’ 

Together, they made their way up the garden path. Yaz knocked on the door, whilst reaching into her pocket to receive her badge. She gestured for the Doctor to do the same with the psychic paper. The door opened to show a young woman. The woman herself was blonde, hair pulled back into a pony tail. She was wearing a dark tracksuit, contrasting against the paleness of her skin. 

‘Yeah, what do you want?’ She asked bluntly, taking in Yaz’s uniform. Her vision flickered briefly over the Doctor. Yaz held up her badge, hoping to diffuse the unease that had built up in her stomach.

‘Hello Trisha, my name’s PC Khan, and this is Jane Smith. We’re here to ask you a few questions about your Dad. You reported him missing a couple of days ago.’ Recognition seemed to flicker on the woman’s face, but she still seemed stand offish. 

‘Why’d you need to ask me questions?’ 

‘Just to get a fuller picture of what happened. See if there’s anything that could help us further with finding your dad.’ Yaz paused. ‘Do you have a few moments now?’ Trisha nodded. 

‘Yeah come in. I don’t have long though, so you’ll have to be quick.’ She let Yaz and the Doctor into her house, closing the front door behind them. She gestured to the living room. Yaz and the Doctor took a seat on the sofa, whilst the woman took a seat across from them in an armchair. 

‘Thank you for letting us in, we appreciate your time, Trisha. We just need to ask a few questions, then we’ll get out of your hair.’ 

‘Go ahead, but please be quick. I have somewhere I need to be soon.’ 

‘Of course Trisha. Firstly, when did you last see your dad?’

‘Couple of days ago.’

‘And where did you see him?’ Yaz asked, wanting to get to the bottom of this story. The young woman across from her didn’t seem particularly bothered about her dad, which she found a little strange. She filed away her reaction for later, not wanting to judge the woman prematurely. People react in different ways in hard times, after all. 

‘He was here. He went out to get some milk and didn’t come back.’ 

The Doctor leaned forward, resting on her elbows.

‘What time of day was this?’ 

‘Dunno, about 3pm. I’ve tried calling but there’s no response.’ Yaz made some notes in her pocket book, in case she’d need to refer to them later. 

‘Can you confirm who lives at this address?’ Yaz questioned.

‘Me, my husband and my Dad.’ Trisha answered, seeming to be getting bored of the questions. 

‘Is your husband home now?’ The Doctor inquired, glancing around at the small room. Trisha shook her head.

‘Nope, just me. My husband is at work.’ Yaz made more notes, then continued questioning. 

‘Who reported your dad missing? Was it you, Trisha?’

‘Yeah, it was me. I get worried because he wonders around a lot. Got a touch of dementia, he has.’

‘So, this isn’t the first time he’s gone missing?’ The Doctor enquired. She was studying Trisha, Yaz could tell. So it wasn’t just her reading something off about the young woman. 

‘Yeah, he’s gone walkabout before, but not for this long. I just worry, what with him getting a bit old and all.’ The way she was delivering her sentences was very monotonous for someone claiming to be worried. Yaz wanted nothing more than to confer with the Doctor, but that would raise suspicion. Luckily, the Doctor had other ideas. 

‘Do you mind if I use your loo?’ The Doctor put on her best apologetic face. Yaz knew exactly what she was planning on doing; investigating from the inside. Trisha shrugged. 

‘Fine, but you’ll have to use the one upstairs. Downstairs one is broken.’ 

The Doctor got up to leave the room. She glanced at Yaz briefly, winked, and left. She could hear the Doctor creaking up the stairs, footsteps echoing off the rough wood. Yaz turned back to Trisha, pocket book in hand. 

‘We’ll be out of your hair soon Trisha. What was your Dad wearing, the last time you saw him?’

‘Erm, jeans, white trainers, blue jacket.’ 

‘Thanks Trisha. Does he have any tattoos, scars or birthmarks that might mark him out from other people?’ Trisha shook her head. 

‘No, he doesn’t. He’s balding up top though.’ Yaz noted it down. Trisha huffed, clearly having enough. Yaz asked a couple more questions, before Trisha interrupted. 

‘Look, I don’t want to be rude, but are you done? Why am I getting questioned like I’m a criminal?’ Yaz really didn’t like this woman, but as a police officer, you had to be impartial. 

‘You’re not on trial, Trisha. We just want to help you find your dad. That’s all.’ Yaz put away her pocket book, and made to stand up. ‘Thank you for your time Trisha.’ Just as she thought about getting the Doctor down, she heard a crash coming from upstairs. 

Yaz turned to Trisha. Something felt really wrong. 

‘You said there was no one else home.’

‘Well, that’s clearly your friend, isn’t it?’

The crash was followed by a scream; the Doctor’s scream.

Yaz was up the stairs in a heartbeat. Trisha had made an attempt to tell her not to go, but it fell on deaf ears. Yaz took two steps at a time, coming to the landing. 

‘Doctor?’ She called out, not sure where the scream had come from. She heard banging from what she assumed was the bathroom. The door was closed, so she crashed her shoulder against it. The door didn’t budge, but she could hear a scuffle coming from the other side. This time, she threw her whole weight against the door and it banged open. Inside the small bathroom, was a large, greasy man holding the Doctor in a headlock. The Doctor had clearly attempted to get away from him, as he had reddening scratch marks up his arms. 

‘Yaz, stay back!’ The Doctor warned her, eyes widening in fear for her friend. Looking closer, Yaz could see the man had some sort of syringe held at the Doctor’s neck. 

‘Come any closer, and your friend gets it!’ The thug told her menacingly. Yaz couldn’t tell if there was anything in the syringe from this angle, but the needle still looked way too large. It could really do some damage. Yaz could hear Trisha pelting up the stairs after her. She knew that if Trisha got to the top of the stairs quick enough, she could block them both in with the huge man. That would leave Yaz defenceless.

Glancing back at the Doctor, Yaz made a snap decision. She pounced out of the bathroom and collided with Trisha. The other woman clearly hadn’t expected Yaz to pull that move, as her arms went flailing. Yaz fell on top of her, and quickly pulled out her handcuffs. Within a flash, Trish was apprehended, as Yaz sat astride her. Yaz jumped up, shoving Trisha back down. 

‘Don’t you move.’ Trisha struggled against the handcuffs. She was lying awkwardly on her front, and her arms were handcuffed behind her back. She wouldn’t be able to stand up without assistance. 

Yaz was back in the bathroom within seconds. Trisha was down, but she had to deal with the bigger problem here. The man still held the Doctor firmly against his chest, but one of his arms had slipped to around her waist. The other hand held the syringe roughly at her throat. 

‘Come closer and I’ll strike.’ The Doctor’s eyes were bulging, the lack of oxygen getting to her. She struggled against him, but he held her in place. He smirked. Yaz snapped back into negotiator mode. 

‘What do you want?’ She asked, keeping her voice as neutral as possible. One of the lessons the Doctor had taught her, is that everything is negotiable. Everything in the universe wants something. The huge man held the syringe closer to the Doctor’s skin. 

‘Power. Money.’

‘And how are you going to get it?’ The man gestured to the Doctor in his arms.

‘Through this alien right here. Apparently she’s quite valuable.’ Yaz felt her blood run cold. Okay, so Trisha and her husband knew about aliens. And the Doctor. God knows what else they knew about. The Doctor struggled, but managed to speak.

‘Nah, not me mate. Think there’s been a big misunderstanding.’ Yaz had to think fast. She had maybe minutes before a fight would go down. She could sense it. 

‘Yeah, she’s right. She’s not the alien, I am.’ Yaz told him, urging him to drop the syringe. The Doctor looked at her stunned. She started to shake her head, protesting at what Yaz was trying to do. 

‘Yaz, don’t…’

She ignored the Doctor in favour of keeping the man distracted. 

‘Come on sir, drop my friend. She has nothing to do with this. I’m the alien, take me instead.’ Yaz could see the Doctor desperately struggling. The man looked between them, starting to get confused. Yaz could see her plan was maybe starting to work. 

‘How, how can I tell…’ He was interrupted by Trisha thrashing around on the landing. She was calling out to him, distracting him.

‘Ignore the police officer, the blonde one’s the alien.’ Another bang. ‘I scanned her when she came in. Do it Daryl, get what you need!’ At last, Yaz had a name. She could work better with convicts when she knew their name. Made it easier to reach them. 

‘Come on Daryl, drop the syringe. You don’t need to do this.’ She started to approach him gently, hands reaching out. ‘Be the bigger man. Give me the syringe, and no harm will come to you.’ She edged closer. He looked between her and the struggling Doctor. He looked confused. Yaz suspected he wasn’t the brains of the operation. He held it lightly in his hands, clearly debating what to do with it. Trisha called out again. 

‘Daryl, the money! Think of the money!’ 

Yaz could pinpoint the exact moment he had changed his mind. His eyes flashed with certainty, the pound signs practically gleaming in them. His large fingers were shaking as he held the syringe. He drew his arm back, ready to pierce the Doctor’s neck. Time slowed down, as Yaz watched the scene in horror. The Doctor looked at her, terrified. 

Yaz wasn’t sure when her feet started moving, but she felt herself pelting towards Daryl. She was closer now, so it was easier to reach him. The adrenaline coursed through her as she pushed away his arm with the syringe. Catching him by surprise, he let go of the Doctor momentarily. It was enough to dislodge the syringe away from her neck. Yaz attempted to restrain Daryl’s arm behind his back, but he was a second too quick. The Doctor raced towards Yaz, but let out a yell of pain just before she made it. Daryl had lodged the syringe into her shoulder, missing her neck by centimetres. He stabbed it into her, letting it fill with blood. 

The Doctor cried out, head drawn back in agony. Daryl ripped the syringe from her, causing the blood to drip out of the needle and onto her coat and the floor. The Doctor tumbled forward, losing her balance. Yaz caught her, just in time. He chanted out in glee.

‘Trisha, Trisha, I’ve got it!’ He looked up at the small bathroom ceiling and called out. ‘Masters, we have retrieved the sample!’ Before the Doctor and Yaz could react, Daryl was bathed in blue light. Yaz turned to see the same blue light was emanating from the corridor. Within seconds, the brute and his wife vanished from the small house. For a few stunned seconds, Yaz stared at the spot where the threat had just been standing. What the hell had just happened? 

A groan from the Doctor brought her back to the present. Yaz was holding her up, but the Doctor’s knees were buckling beneath her. Yaz helped her to the ground, kneeling with her. 

‘Doctor, Doctor are you alright?’ Gritting her teeth, the Doctor shook her head. Her hand clutched her shoulder, trying to stop the flow of blood. 

‘He stabbed me. Took some of my blood.’ She hissed in pain, trying to get a better look. 

Yaz turned the Doctor in her arms to get a better look. The Doctor had her hand clamped around the wound, but Yaz could see the blood starting to pool around the edges of her fingers. She gasped, but snapped back into police officer mode. 

‘Doctor, you’re still bleeding. I need to check to see if he’s hit a major artery.’ She tried to prize the Doctor’s fingers away from the wound. Slowly, the Doctor obliged. Yaz peeled back the Doctor’s now blood-soaked coat, and tried to pull her t-shirt to the side of her shoulder to gain a better view. There was a nasty gash where the syringe had gone in, but it appeared to be a shallow wound. The Doctor was watching her face intently. 

‘It’s not deep, but it is still bleeding. I’m gonna need to patch you up.’ 

‘Yaz, we need to go…’

‘You’re not going anywhere until I’ve cleaned you up.’ The Doctor shut up, noting the concern on Yaz’s face. 

‘Alright, Yaz,’ she complied. 

The police officer got to work on making a make-shift bandage from whatever she could find in the bathroom. Using a first aid kit found in the medicine cabinet, within a few minutes she had cleaned up the Doctor’s wound and had covered it up. Gently, she pulled the Doctor’s shirts over the wound, but insisted she take off her coat. The Doctor winced.

‘I can’t go to hospital…’ she started to remind Yaz. 

‘I know you can’t. Don’t worry, I’ll get you back to the TARDIS. Can you move? We need to get out of here now!’ The Doctor nodded. Yaz helped her to her feet, as they made their way back to safety. 

Xxx

It had been a hell of a day. Yaz didn’t even know how to explain what had happened back at the station, so she gave Ramesh the abridged version. She’d lied to him about the Doctor going to hospital, but he didn’t need to know. He gave her the next couple of days off to recuperate, and offered her the chance to speak to a counsellor. She waved him off, but took him up on the couple of days of respite. 

Yaz found herself back in the TARDIS, coming to find the Doctor. Both she and the Doctor had agreed that they would tell Ryan and Graham the next day, as the Doctor needed to recuperate. Well, it was more Yaz instructing the Doctor she needed rest. The Doctor grumbled, but didn’t resist. 

Yaz closed the TARDIS door behind her, and walked up to the console to find the Doctor nursing her shoulder. The Doctor put on a good show when Yaz was around, but in the few seconds she thought she was alone, she was wincing in pain. Her expression changed when she caught sight of Yaz. 

‘Hello you,’ she said softly, smiling warmly at her companion. Yaz couldn’t help but reciprocate. 

‘Hey, how’s the arm?’ She asked, gesturing towards her shoulder. 

‘I’ve been through worse. What about you, are you okay? Yaz nodded in the affirmative.

‘Work have given me a couple of days off.’

‘Oh that’s good. Give you the chance to recuperate.’ The Doctor looked down at her feet. ‘I’m sorry you had to go through that.’ 

Yaz hated it when the Doctor blamed herself. She moved forward, coming to stand next to the Doctor. She tugged gently on the Doctor’s sleeve to get her attention. Turns out the Doctor had acquired multiple versions of her coat over her travels, so she had a new version of it on. The Doctor glanced up at her, peeking up from beneath her blonde fringe. 

‘Don’t do that, Doctor. It wasn’t your fault.’ Yaz still had her hand on the Doctor’s sleeve, fingers still clutching the material. The Doctor let her fingers move out from under her sleeve to capture Yaz’s hand in hers. 

‘They knew me. They targeted you to get to me. I don’t even know who they are.’ Yaz let her hand clasp the Doctor’s a little tighter. 

‘One thing at a time, Doctor. Focus on recovery, then we’ll go and catch them. I want you in one piece, you got that?’ Yaz chastised. The Doctor nodded.

‘Yes, ma’am.’ 

There was a comfortable silence, where the Doctor let their hands gently sway between them. Yaz thought back through the events of the day. How her day had started off so brilliantly, with the Doctor tagging along on her shift. It had been going so great until they entered that house. She thought back to their conversation in the car, when she remembered something the Doctor had been going to say. 

‘Doctor, earlier, you were saying you had another reason for going undercover. What was it?’ She asked, genuinely curious. The Doctor looked at her under long lashes, and blushed. The Time Lord was actually blushing!

‘Oh that, erm, well… I…’ she babbled, trying to come up with an answer. Yaz looked at her, inquisitive. Now she was definitely interested. 

‘Doctor?’ She squeezed her hand, awaiting a response. The Doctor sighed, before squeezing back. She looked into Yaz’s eyes, pupils dilating. 

‘I was missing you. Going undercover meant I could try and help those people, but it also meant I could hang out with you all day.’ She paused, unsure of herself. ‘I hope that wasn’t creepy. I’m still learning about myself, and I don’t know if that’s proper etiquette.’ Yaz’s mouth fell open in shock. Had the Doctor just admitted to missing her? Not only that, but faking an identity just to spend time with her? The Doctor turned her head away, a little embarrassed. ‘I’m sorry if that wasn’t okay…’ She was cut off by Yaz pulling her into a gentle hug, minding her injured shoulder. 

‘You’re so daft Doctor, of course it was okay!’ She felt the Doctor sigh out in relief, relaxing into Yaz’s hold. 

‘Well that’s a relief.’

‘If it’s any consolation… I was missing you too.’ She felt the Doctor smile into her shoulder. 

‘Yeah?’ She questioned softly. Yaz smiled to herself. 

‘Yeah.’ She felt the Doctor bring her good arm to wrap around Yaz’s waist, pulling her closer. Tomorrow they would have to think about the consequences of the day’s events. Today, they could just enjoy being safe, and focus on one another.


	9. Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fam watch Inception, but the film sparks some sadness and grief. Yaz and the Doctor have an overdue chat about the Doctor's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight spoilers for Inception, but it's been out for 9 years so... yeah. This chapter gets angsty, so just a lil warning in case anyone wants to avoid grief as a topic.

With the Doctor needing some time to heal, Ryan took that as the opportunity to get her more acquainted with his favourite movies. Ryan was a film buff, and he was proud of it. Luckily the Doctor was eager to learn, so she was keen to watch whatever he wanted. On this particular afternoon, Yaz was happy to watch movies with them, and somehow even Graham seemed interested. Ryan’s movie of choice today was Inception. Ryan knew the Doctor would like it, after being shocked that she hadn’t seen it. 

‘You, Doctor, of all people, should have seen Inception! It’s all about time!’

‘Well you know me, I don’t sit still long enough to watch anything!’ 

Yaz nodded in agreement. 

‘It’s true.’

They were all settled in the TARDIS, in a small room that Ryan had claimed as his ‘man cave.’ It had a large TV screen with various armchairs and a small sofa. Ryan had shot gunned his favourite arm chair, leaping into it so no one else could sit in it. Graham had taken the other armchair, which left Yaz and the Doctor with the small sofa. Not that Yaz minded. Not one bit. 

Inception is one of those epic films, with its inspiring soundtrack, Byronic hero and intricate plot lines, that you needed your entire brain to watch. The Doctor was captivated. She would ask questions throughout, provide her own answers, and then comment on another plotline. 

’50 years stuck in limbo? That’s nothing! One time I got stuck in a place for 4.5 billion… actually you know what, never mind.’ The Doctor rambled, then decided against voicing her train of thought. Ryan and Graham tended to laugh at her random anecdotes, choosing to brush off her comment as one of her ‘Doctor jokes,’ but Yaz turned to look at her inquisitively. 

‘What were you going to say?’ Yaz whispered, nudging the Doctor with her elbow. At the start of the film, they had been sat at other ends of the sofa, but as it progressed, the two women had gravitated slowly towards one another, so much so that they were now leant against each other, huddled under a shared blanket. The Doctor’s good side was flush with Yaz, warming her body and her heart. A few weeks ago, Yaz would have panicked and would have remained rigid, hyper aware of the Doctor’s presence. She was still hyper aware, she couldn’t deny that, but she was becoming more comfortable with it. The more the Doctor got into her personal space, the more Yaz relaxed. 

The Doctor turned her head to view her, eyes unreadable and impossibly old for a moment. The Doctor’s hand moved under the blanket, coming to rest on Yaz’s. She then took it in hers, holding on tight. She smiled, but Yaz could tell it was a sad smile, no matter how much the Doctor tried to hide it. 

‘Doesn’t matter, just a joke.’ She lied. Before Yaz could say anything else, the Doctor looked back at the screen. She gently lowered her head to Yaz’s shoulder, and rested it there, hand still clutching Yaz’s. Yaz inhaled deeply, surprised by the intimate closeness. They had done this loads of times, but each time it made Yaz’s heart jolt and accelerate. She hoped to god the Doctor couldn’t feel it. She shuffled a little closer, and rested her head atop the Doctor’s. They remained like that for the rest of the film. Yaz couldn’t help but sneak furtive glances every now and then down at the Doctor (even away Leonardo DiCaprio), loving the fact that the Doctor trusted her enough to be this close. Sure, the Doctor hugged Ryan and would tease Graham by poking him, but as far as she was aware, Yaz was the only one she would snuggle with like this. Or share a bed. Or hold hands… which they were still doing. 

The screen turned black, fading away from the totem that would (or would not) keep spinning. Silence hung over the room, as they took in the powerful ending. Ryan turned to them, grinning expectantly.

‘So, what do you reckon? Best film ever?’ The Doctor nodded enthusiastically in response, lifting her head from Yaz’s shoulder. Yaz missed the contact already. 

‘That was amazing! That last scene, with the music, it was genius! I must let Hans know that I loved it!’ 

‘Hans? Who’s Hans?’ Ryan asked in confusion. 

‘Hans Zimmer, obviously. He and I go way back.’ 

‘Are you serious? You know Hans Zimmer?’ Ryan looked at her in awe. ‘You know the greatest composer of all time?! Damn, Doctor, you’ve just gone up in my estimations!’

‘I’ll take that as a compliment! I’ll take you to meet him some time. You know, when I’m better.’ She gestured to her shoulder. The movement caused her to wince. Yaz looked at her with sympathy, clutching her hand tighter. The Doctor gave her a grateful smile. 

‘So, what happened at the end then? Did he get back to reality or is he still dreaming?’ Graham piped up, baffled at the intense film he had just watched. Ryan grinned at him.

‘That’s the beauty of the film, Gramps, it’s ambiguous. Up to your own interpretation.’ 

‘What do you think, Ryan?’ Yaz asked curiously, interested to know his thoughts. She was still trying to make up her mind about what the ending meant to her. She had seen the film before, but had never really understood it. It was only re-watching it as an adult did she get the more complex themes. Ryan’s eyes lit up at her question.

‘He’s totally back in reality. The totem starts to fall just before the screen cuts away. Easy.’ 

Yaz could feel the Doctor fidget beside her. She was clearly preparing for an engaging debate. 

‘Nope, not so easy. It wobbles slightly, but you don’t see it fall. He could still be dreaming.’ 

Ryan and the Doctor began an in-depth debate about the ending of Inception. Yaz glanced over at Graham, who rolled his eyes at the debating pair. Yaz supressed a smirk, making Graham return it with a small smile. They looked back at Ryan and the Doctor, who were still engaged in a light hearted argument. 

‘Alright you two, but what if the whole point is that it doesn’t matter if he’s dreaming or not? What if the point is that he is happier now, and his reality is being back with his family? Dream or not.’ 

The Doctor and Ryan looked at the wise man, their debate forgotten. The Doctor smiled. 

‘Graham O’Brien, you really have a way with words sometimes. That’s exactly it! Reality and dreams are no lesser than each other. Five points for Graham.’ Graham punched the air in triumph, whilst Ryan’s face fell. 

‘Hey, I’m the one who made you watch it! Where are my points?’ He joked, mock-annoyed. 

‘All in good time, son. Yaz is still in the lead by far.’ Graham reminded him. Ryan rolled his eyes, looking at the snuggled up pair. 

‘And I’ll say it again, it’s because she’s the favourite.’ 

Yaz gave an exasperated sigh. 

‘Come on Ryan, you know that’s not it…’

‘It so is. Isn’t that right, Doctor?’ 

Yaz turned to look at the Doctor, suddenly realising she hadn’t butted in this time with her jokes and winking like she usually did when they had these ‘arguments.’ The Doctor glanced at her, expression unreadable. As soon as she looked into her eyes, the Doctor glanced away again. 

‘You’re all my favourites,’ she responded to the accusation. The Doctor’s hand clenched around Yaz’s under the blanket, communicating something that contradicted her statement. Yaz gulped, and responded by clenching back. The exchange went unnoticed by the boys, but it had certainly got Yaz’s attention. Ryan decided to steer the conversation back to the film. 

‘What did you think of the film, Yaz?’ She tried to focus on the question, but the Doctor was distracting her, by brushing her thumb over their joined hands. She answered, more to distract herself from the Doctor. 

‘Yeah I liked it. I really admired the way the Leo DiCaprio character kept going, despite everything he went through.’ 

‘With all the mind implementation stuff?’ Ryan asked, quizzical. 

‘Well, yeah, there’s that stuff. But also the way he loved his wife, and was so determined to get back to his kids. I just…’ She paused, thinking over her words. She was super aware of the fact that the Doctor was looking at her, waiting for her answer. Her thumb was still skimming over her skin. Yaz didn’t think the Doctor was even aware of it. ‘You don’t see that kind of love in real life. That reality-shattering, life or death, deep love, y’know?’ 

‘Woah Yaz, that’s deep. I hadn’t thought about that before.’ Ryan sat back in his seat, a little gobsmacked. ‘Does that kind of love even exist?’

‘Yes,’ Graham and the Doctor both answered at once. They looked at each other in surprise, sizing the other up. Ryan looked at Graham, understanding written all over his face. Graham sighed and answered their question. 

‘What I had with Grace, your Nan, Ryan, was that deep love. I would have torn the world apart for her, would have done anything to make her happy. I know the grief I’ve experienced probably intensified that feeling, but it’s true. I would have done anything for her.’ Graham told them, looking down at his hands sadly. The Doctor remained silent, and they all knew it was bad when she did that.

After a few awkward seconds, Graham looked up from his hands, eyes suddenly shining. He slapped his hands on his knees, moving to stand up. 

‘If you don’t mind Doc, I’m gonna head home for a bit. Feeling a bit… y’know.’ He moved away from his chair, nodding at the Doctor, and left the room swiftly, trying to hold it together. Ryan watched on with confusion, which quickly turned to sadness. He glanced quickly at the girls, before getting up to follow his Grandad. 

‘I’m going to see if he’s alright. Catch you later.’ Ryan dashed out the room, going to find Graham. Yaz and the Doctor were left in stunned silence, still huddled under the blanket. Yaz slumped her head against the Doctor’s shoulder, exhausted by the sudden onslaught of grief. Yaz felt so sorry for Graham and Ryan. The Doctor let go of Yaz’s hand to draw her arm around her, pulling her closer. Yaz felt the Doctor’s breath puff across the top of her head as she relaxed against Yaz. 

‘Poor Graham,’ Yaz whispered. The Doctor drew her fingertips gently over Yaz’s bare arm, causing goosebumps to blossom into life across her skin. 

‘I hate that I can’t do anything to help him, other than distract him from the pain.’ The Doctor murmured into Yaz’s hair. Yaz nodded in agreement. 

‘You do more than enough, but I agree. I wish there was more we could do. And poor Ryan. They’re both holding up so well.’ There was a comfortable silence, as the Doctor continued to trace patterns on Yaz’s skin. Yaz couldn’t help but hold her breath. The Doctor still hadn’t explained her fast answer, but Yaz didn’t want to push it. She desperately wanted to know the Doctor’s own story, but equally she was terrified of hearing it. Of hearing about how desperately the Doctor had loved someone else. 

‘Doctor?’ 

‘Yes?’ 

‘How… how do you know that kind of love exists?’ The Doctor froze at the question, stilling her fingers on Yaz’s arm. Yaz immediately regretted the question. Before the Doctor could speak, Yaz was already spilling out apologies. ‘Sorry, sorry, stupid question to ask!’ The Doctor pulled back from Yaz, but encouraged her to look at her. 

‘No question you ask is stupid, Yaz.’ 

‘Wrong timing though.’ Yaz said as she looked up at the Doctor nervously, worried about the expression she would find there. The Doctor smiled softly. 

‘It’s okay,’ she reassured Yaz. The Doctor brought her arm back from around Yaz, and returned to holding her hand. Yaz threaded her fingers back through, relieved she had been forgiven for her faux pas. 

‘I never did explain to you about my companions, did I?’ Yaz shook her head. 

‘No, but you don’t have to explain. We can just drop it.’ The Doctor’s smile grew warmer. 

‘I promised you I would answer any questions you have. No matter how awkward or painful it might be for me, or for you.’ 

‘Are you sure?’

‘Positive.’ 

‘Well, okay then.’ Yaz paused awkwardly, suddenly at a loss for what to say. Her mouth fell open, and closed again, trying to find the words. The Doctor helped her out. 

‘I’ve lived a long life, Yaz. A dozen, long lifetimes. I travel in a time machine. I’ve seen the dawn of creation, and the end of civilization, quite a few times now. I’ve met incredible people and seen them do anything for the ones they love. Remember my speech at your Nani’s wedding? Well, love is something I truly believe in.’ 

‘And you’ve experienced it yourself?’ Yaz asked bravely. Her heart was hammering away inside her chest at this conversation. It was both terrifying and thrilling, but she wanted to hear every word, even if it would hurt her. The Doctor’s eyes bore into her for a few long moments, before nodding. 

‘Yes, I have.’ Yaz couldn’t be surprised at that. She knew she had no right to be jealous, so she dug it deep into her soul and continued her questions. 

‘With your previous companions?’ Another nod. 

‘Yes,’ the Doctor answered emphatically, but not elaborating. She was allowing Yaz to question her, to finally have the long overdue conversation. 

‘Caroline, she listed a whole bunch of names back at that restaurant. Were they all people you loved?’ 

‘In different ways. A lot of my companions were my friends, some of them felt like family, and others were… undefinable. I’ve had love affairs but they’ve never lasted. Well, you know that. Never seen one of my partners knocking about the TARDIS, have you?’ The Doctor half-joked, but it fell flat. Sighing, she continued. ‘I’ve not just had lovers though. I had a family, back on Gallifrey. I had a granddaughter.’ 

Yaz’s eyes widened in surprise. 

‘You’re a grandparent?’ She asked, shocked. She knew the Doctor had a past, but she didn’t realise the true extent of it. 

‘Was.’ The Doctor corrected her. Her head fell forward, blonde hair suddenly covering half her face, shielding it from Yaz. Yaz immediately felt guilty. She leant forward, trying to get into the Doctor’s eye line. 

‘We can stop this now. I don’t want to make you more upset.’ Yaz brought her hand up to the Doctor’s hair, gently moving some tendrils out of her face. She gently tucked the strands behind the Doctor’s ear. The Doctor glanced up at her, lips quirking up into a smile. 

‘Oh Yasmin Khan, what did I do to deserve you?’Yaz blushed, bringing her hand back down to her lap. She looked away from the Doctor, cheeks flaming. 

‘What did I do, other than ask you invasive questions?’ She heard the Doctor chuckle at that. She hesitantly looked back up at her friend, confused as to what was funny. The Doctor was smiling affectionately at her. 

‘Come here,’ she murmured. She gestured at her arms, holding them up to envelope Yaz in a hug. Yaz glanced at the Doctor’s bad shoulder, worried. The Doctor caught her gaze, and shrugged. ‘It’s feeling much better. Don’t worry.’ She gestured again, and this time Yaz couldn’t resist her. She encircled the Doctor in her arms, carefully as to not jostle the Doctor’s bad side. 

‘Thank you Yaz, it helps to talk about it. I haven’t had a proper chat like this since… well, since I regenerated.’ The Doctor whispered into the crook of Yaz’s neck. 

‘Why not?’ Yaz asked, realising how long that must have been. 

‘Dunno, just didn’t have anyone I felt close enough to do that with… until now.’ She paused. ‘Until I met you.’ Yaz held her closer, tears forming in her eyes. She hated to think that the Doctor had kept things bottled up, but she also felt dizzy from the Doctor’s admission. That she trusted Yaz enough with her past to open up candidly about it. She didn’t know how to respond, so she just clutched her impossibly tighter. The Doctor continued to speak. 

‘Yaz, I’ve been holding back on you and the boys.’ She pulled back, moving to sit back against the sofa. Yaz disentangled herself and moved to join her, turning on her side so she could view the Doctor fully. 

‘In what way?’ 

‘I’ve been putting on a bit of a facade. When you first met me, I had just regenerated, so I was a bit all over the place. A bit weird.’ Yaz smiled. 

‘You’re still like that, Doctor,’ she jested, gently poking her in the side. The Doctor grinned at that. 

‘Okay, fine, I’ve always been a bit weird.’ 

‘I wouldn’t have it any other way.’ 

‘Yaz, stop being charming, I’m trying to tell you my life story. Can’t do that with you being all adorable.’ Yaz giggled, blushing again. However, this time she didn’t look away. The Doctor smiled at her, but then it slowly disappeared as she returned to the previous conversation. 

‘When you first met me, I had just died and come back to life. As a completely different person. I mean, I’m still me. But also, I’m not me. If that makes any sense at all. I told you I used to be a white haired Scotsman. Well, that’s true. But I never told you what killed me. Killed him.’ She paused, looking to Yaz to see if she understood. 

‘You’ve explained regeneration before, so I think I get it.’ Happy that Yaz understood, the Doctor pressed on. 

‘I was shot by a Cyberman. By several, actually. I went through a war, and lost another friend. By the end I was just tired. Tired of everything. I almost didn’t regenerate, because I didn’t… I didn’t want to carry on.’ Yaz couldn’t help but gasp. She brought her hands up to her mouth, holding her face in shock. 

‘Doctor,’ she murmured, tears starting to well behind her eyes. She couldn’t believe her bubbly, excitable, full of life Doctor could ever feel like that. The Doctor glanced at her and caught the un-shed tears. She sat forward, and gently pulled Yaz’s hands away from her mouth. She took them back in hers, and placed both of them in her lap, clutching them tightly. 

‘But then I saw the light. I convinced myself that one more lifetime couldn’t hurt. And you know what? The old me made the best choice. Because if I hadn’t, I would never have been sitting here with you now.’ Yaz closed her eyes, lowering her head. She was finding it hard to take it all in. Through the darkness, she felt the Doctor’s forehead lean against hers, her hands holding on tighter. 

‘You definitely made the right choice,’ Yaz croaked out, feeling her tears start to spill down her cheeks. The Doctor nodded against her forehead. 

‘Definitely,’ she said quietly. They remained stock still for a couple of minutes, just feeling the connection flow evenly between them. Eventually, Yaz opened her eyes. She moved her head gently away from the Doctor, glancing up to take another look at her. The Doctor did the same thing, gazing intently at Yaz. Her eyes searched Yaz’s face, but for what, Yaz wasn’t sure. Feeling suddenly brave, Yaz pushed forward, rising above the Doctor. She bent down to press a kiss at her forehead, just like the Doctor had after the 456 incident. The Doctor closed her eyes at the contact, feeling safe. Yaz remained there for a few seconds, before whispering into the Doctor’s skin. 

‘Doctor, if you ever feel like that again, please tell me. I want to help.’

‘I know you do.’ 

‘Promise me.’

‘I promise you, Yaz. I promise.’


	10. Faking It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz and her mum have an awkward but revelationary chat, Ryan panics and Yaz and the Doctor have to lie through a very awkward situation. What could possibly go wrong?

Still Earth-bound while she healed, the Doctor had taken to spending more time with Yaz in the flat. Tea at Yaz’s was her new favourite thing. Yaz’s dad didn’t seem to mind, liking the fact he had someone else to talk to, and Sonya was so absorbed in her phone she didn’t seem to notice the Doctor’s presence. Najia, on the other hand, was a little wary at first. Yaz still hadn’t fully explained who the Doctor was, but after a couple of days of the Doctor being around, Najia was warming to the woman. It was hard not to. 

She watched her daughter and the Doctor interact with each other, and her motherly instincts told her there was something definitely there. To be fair to Yaz, Najia had caught her by surprise when all the spider business was going down, so no wonder she had denied that there was anything going on. At that time, maybe there hadn’t been anything more to their friendship. But now, as the Doctor talked with Hakim animatedly, Najia saw her daughter watching the Doctor affectionately, smiling at her with gentle eyes and a warm expression. Najia knew that expression because it was exactly the same as her husband’s; when he looked at her. 

Yaz and the Doctor were sitting close at the dinner table, chairs drawn together, arms brushing against one another, whilst Hakim sat round the other side, leant forward to listen to his guest. Platonic friends did not need to sit that close, Najia knew. 

Najia was absolutely fine with the whole sexuality thing. Not that Yaz had ever come out to her or anything, and the whole Danny Biswas situation showed that Yaz had some interest in boys, but Najia could clearly see that Yaz liked girls too. She knew her daughter too well, even if Yaz denied it. She hoped Yaz knew she could come to her about anything like this, if she ever needed to. 

Question is, what were the Doctor’s feelings towards her daughter? Yaz was an open book, but the Doctor… Najia felt like she could trust her, (she had saved their lives after all), but she didn’t know how she fitted into Yaz’s life. She clearly wasn’t from the force, but where else would Yaz have met her? Perhaps out on a job? That seemed like the most likely scenario. 

She watched her family as she did the drying up, and wondered if the Doctor would become a full-time member of it. She decided she wanted to check in with her daughter. It had been ages since they had one of their heart-to-hearts. 

‘Yaz, sweetheart, can I have a word?’ She asked, interrupting the animated discussion. Yaz’s brows furrowed in confusion, but she acknowledged her mother’s request. She stood up, pushed her chair back in, and moved round the table towards her mum. Najia couldn’t help noticing the gentle hand Yaz lay on the Doctor’s shoulder as she passed. The Doctor looked up at her as she passed, smiling gently as she left. 

Najia ushered Yaz into her bedroom, wanting the chat to be private. She closed the door behind her, turning to face her daughter.

‘What’s up, Mum?’ Yaz asked, not sure where this conversation was going to lead. Najia took a deep breath.

‘Firstly, I just want you to know you can come to me about anything. Anything at all. You know I will always love you, right?’ Yaz’s face fell in response. 

‘Of course, Mum! What’s going on?’ Yaz asked again, more anxiously this time. 

‘Okay sweetheart, I’m just going to ask outright. Are you and the Doctor seeing each other?’ Najia could feel the indignation roll off her daughter before she even spoke.

‘What? Mum, you’ve already asked me this, and I told you then that no, we’re not!’ She whispered hurriedly, clearly not wanting this conversation to be overheard. 

‘But do you want to be seeing her?’ The question caught Yaz by surprise. 

‘Why are you asking that?’ Yaz deflected. Yaz’s hands were stuck firmly in her pockets, shoulders rising with tension and stress. Najia wanted the conversation to be over too, but she had to get it out there. 

‘You’re a lot closer to her these days, you’re practically inseparable. I’ve seen the way you look at her, and…’

‘Nope, nope, we are not having this conversation!’ Yaz clamped her hands over her ears, drowning out her mother’s concerns over her relationship. 

‘… and if you wanted someone to talk about it with, I just wanted to let you know I’m here for you.’ Yaz stopped for a moment, before slowly bringing her hands back down to her sides. 

‘What?’ 

‘I know I go on about your dating life a lot, but I just want to see you happy sweetheart. I don’t care if that’s with a man or woman, I just want to make sure you’re alright.’ 

Yaz stared at her mother in wonder, totally aghast at how this conversation was going. How well it was going. 

‘Really? You mean that?’ Najia nodded in the affirmative. She drew closer to her daughter, bringing her hands to rest on her forearms. 

‘Of course Yaz. I would never judge you for something like this.’ Yaz beamed up at her mother, totally in awe of the woman who had raised her. 

‘Thank you. Thank you so much for saying that. It means everything to me.’ Yaz pulled her mum into an embrace, feeling a sudden wave of love for her. Najia immediately responded. She tucked her arms around her eldest daughter, and sighed in relief. 

‘So, you and the Doctor?’ She tried again, feeling more confident she may get an answer. Yaz sighed in resignation, dropping her arms from around her mother and stepping back. Najia also stepped back, looking at Yaz fully. Yaz took a deep breath in, then out, then in again. 

‘It’s complicated,’ Yaz admitted, finally confessing to her feelings out loud. She couldn’t believe she was doing this with her mum, of all people. 

‘In what way?’ Najia questioned. 

‘Well, the Doctor is…’ Could Yaz do it? Tell her mum the whole truth? About the travel and everything. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that. One secret at a time. ‘The Doctor is someone very special to me. She’s an incredible person.’

‘And?’ 

‘And… I think I might be into her.’

‘Think?’

‘Okay, I’m really into her. But that’s all it is mum. A crush. We’re not together.’

‘Well, you certainly look like you’re together. The way you’re all touchy-feely with each other.’ Yaz’s mouth opened in horror. 

‘Oh god, am I that obvious?’ She squeaked, anxiety suddenly flooding her veins. Najia reached out an arm to reassure her. 

‘I’m your mum, Yaz, I just sense these things. I don’t think your father has cottoned on. But you do wear your heart on your sleeve.’ Yaz sat down on the edge of her parents’ bed, feeling deflated. 

‘What do I do?’ Yaz asked, as her mum sat down beside her. 

‘Telling her would be the next step, Yaz.’ She received an alarmed look from her daughter.

‘Are you kidding? That’s, like, the last thing I should be doing.’

‘Why? Don’t you want something to happen?’

‘Well, yeah, but…’

‘So telling her will make something happen.’

‘It’s not that simple mum!’

‘Of course it is!’ 

‘No it’s not!’ 

‘I know it’s scary, Yaz, but you need to take that leap if you want to get anywhere with her.’

‘What if she doesn’t feel the same way?’ Najia looked at her daughter with sympathy. 

‘I know I don’t know her like you do, but after what I’ve seen over the past couple of days, I think there is a highly likely chance that she feels the same way you do.’

‘Really?’ Yaz asked quietly, hopefully. Najia nodded. 

‘I honestly thought you were together. I wouldn’t have asked you to chat if I thought otherwise.’ Yaz smiled in relief. Before she could respond to her mother, there was a knock at the door. Yaz and Najia looked at each other, before Najia called out.

‘Come in!’ The wooden door swung open, and the Doctor popped her head around the door.

‘Sorry to interrupt, but Yaz, your phone was ringing. I wouldn’t have answered, but it was Ryan, so I figured it was okay.’ The Doctor sheepishly stepped into the room, and walked over to hand Yaz her phone. As she placed it into her hand, their fingers brushed against one another’s. Yaz restrained herself from reacting, especially in front of her mother and the Doctor. She raised the mobile to her ear, waiting to hear her friend’s voice.

‘Hey Ryan, what’s up?’ 

‘Yaz, listen, there’s this acoustic place that’s just opened up, and one of my mates and his band are playing there tonight. I promised I’d go see him and support him. Wanna come with?’ Ryan’s excited voice echoed down the line. 

‘Er, yeah, that sounds like fun! What about…’

‘The Doctor has already said yes. She wants to go, if that makes you want to go too?’ 

Yaz laughed.

‘Well in that case, looks like I don’t have a choice!’ She looked at the Doctor, who was watching her with interest. Her head cocked to the side, like a puppy, trying to understand what Yaz was referring to. Yaz gave her a quick smile.

‘Awesome, I’ll text you the address.’

‘What about Graham?’

‘Nah, he’s meeting up with his old bus driver mates. I reckon that’ll be good for him.’ 

‘Yeah, I’m sure it will.’ 

‘And Yaz, we might go out afterwards, if you’re up for it?’ 

‘Cool, I’ll see how I feel.’

‘The Doctor is gonna go out afterwards too.’ Yaz sighed. Ryan knew her too well.

‘Okay, I’ll go out too!’ 

‘Yes Yaz, it’s gonna be great! Catch you later.’ 

Yaz hung up the phone, looking up at the Doctor. 

‘Looks like we’ve got plans tonight, Doctor.’ The Doctor looked ecstatic. 

‘Brilliant, so you’re coming?’ The Doctor asked her eagerly. Yaz nodded, smiling happily. 

The Doctor was about to say something else when Najia coughed, very pointedly, reminding them of her presence. The Doctor suddenly became like a little kid, being reminded of their manners. She took the hint. 

‘Oh sorry, I interrupted didn’t I? My bad, I’ll just…’ She smiled sheepishly at Yaz, then darted out the bedroom, closing the door behind her. Yaz waited a few seconds, listening to the Doctor’s footsteps move away from the door, before she rounded on her mother. 

‘Mum!’ 

‘What?’ Najia responded indignantly. ‘We hadn’t finished our chat!’ Yaz moved off the bed, standing upright. 

‘We’ve finished for now, Mum, I’ve got to get ready!’ 

‘Alright sweetheart.’ Yaz turned to go, before thinking better of it, and grabbing her mum into another hug.   
….

Yaz was ready to go. She hadn’t put this much effort into an outfit for a while, but she felt happy in what she’d picked. She had forsaken her beloved leather jacket and jeans for a yellow summer dress, denim jacket and white summer converse. The weather was becoming more and more glorious, with the evenings rolling in golden hues over the city, so it made sense to dress for the weather. She was quite proud of her choice. Even her sister had complimented her on it, which almost never happened. She wore her hair down, letting it cascade over her shoulders. 

The Doctor had gone off to the TARDIS to change into her ‘going out gear,’ (whatever that meant). Yaz wondered if she was making too much effort, but she felt good. Why couldn’t she dress up a bit? It wasn’t for the Doctor, that’s for sure! Or maybe Yaz was just lying to herself. 

A knock at the door broke her out of her thoughts, butterflies suddenly flying around her stomach in formation. Najia answered the door to Ryan and the Doctor. Ryan gave her a big grin.

‘Hi Yaz’s mum, is Yaz ready?’ Najia sighed.

‘Not you too! Call me Najia, please!’ Ryan smiled sheepishly. 

‘Sorry… Najia,’ he replied, looking to the Doctor for support. Najia didn’t see their interchange, instead calling back for Yaz. 

‘Yaz, your friends are here!’ 

Yaz rushed to the doorway, grabbing her small, leather shoulder bag before greeting her friends. She gave them a small wave as she approached them. Ryan and the Doctor lit up as she came to the doorway. Yaz caught the Doctor’s eye very briefly, smiling a little shyly, suddenly feeling a little exposed. The Doctor’s mouth had dropped open, staring at Yaz, before recovering and smiling in response. Ryan let out a small whistle. 

‘Damn Yaz, you scrub up well!’ Yaz shoved at him playfully, aware of the Doctor’s eyes still on her. 

‘Enough of that Ryan!’ She exclaimed. 

‘All I’m saying Yaz, is that my mates are going to love you! Y’know, my mate Dean and you would get on so well!’ She shoved him away again jokingly. 

‘I’m serious Ryan, none of that tonight!’ Yaz chanced a look at the Doctor, who had stopped smiling. She finally took in what the Doctor was wearing – pretty much her usual outfit. She was about to comment on her attire, when she realised the Doctor’s hands had balled into fists under the sleeves of her coat. She was looking at the ground, as if she were trying to compose herself. Yaz shared a look with her mum, who had been watching the three of them in the doorway. Najia looked very concerned. Even Ryan stopped smiling, sensing something was off. 

‘Doctor?’ Yaz asked, worried about her friend. She reached out for her arm, which broke the Doctor’s reverie. She blinked back up at Yaz, shaking herself out of her funny turn. Her smile returned. 

‘Sorry about that, spaced out for a second!’ Her hands un-balled themselves, but there was still a tension in the Doctor’s muscles that she hadn’t released. Yaz rubbed her hand up the Doctor’s arm. 

‘You okay?’ She murmured softly. The Doctor nodded, catching Yaz’s gaze. 

‘Yeah, m’fine. Don’t worry about me.’ Yaz squeezed her arm, before reluctantly letting it go. Ryan coughed emphatically. 

‘Guys, we should probably get going?’ The Doctor and Yaz shared one more look, before nodding at him. 

‘Alright, let’s go.’

…

The Doctor seemed to have perked up by the time they made it to the venue, but Yaz was still worried. Everyone spaced out every now and then, but what had happened to the Doctor wasn’t spacing out. She looked like she was trying to hide something, some unpleasant emotion. But Yaz was too scared to press further. Besides, she was out with two of her best friends! She didn’t want anything to spoil that. 

Inside was a bar stocked with all sorts of beverages, with chairs and tables facing towards a small stage area. Fairly lights adorned the dimly lit venue, giving it an intimate but edgy vibe. Fairy lights were definitely a trend in most drinking places these days, but Yaz liked them. Ryan glanced around at the tables, looking for this other friends. He was lucky he still had a solid group after leaving school, and Yaz was envious of that. He had always had a gift for making friends wherever he went, whereas Yaz had very few friends left. It wasn’t that she couldn’t make friends; she guessed it was down to the nature of her job, which she took very seriously. Policing didn’t leave much room for socialising. 

Ryan scanned the room once more, but still couldn’t find them. 

‘Alright, I’m gonna go look for my mates and grab a table.’ 

‘Cool, we’ll get some drinks,’ Yaz said, gesturing to the bar. Ryan grinned at her.

‘Thanks Yaz, see you in a bit!’ A small crowd had started to file in around the bar, and Ryan disappeared into it. The Doctor turned to Yaz.

‘Guess it’s just you and me?’ Yaz nodded and smiled. 

‘Yep, just you and me.’ She pulled the Doctor’s arm through hers and gently tugged her towards the bar. The Doctor followed her companion happily. They joined the short queue, still arm in arm. 

‘What do you fancy, Yaz?’ The Doctor asked inquisitively, looking up at the drinks menu that was chalked up above the bar. 

‘I’ll have wine. What about you?’

‘What are apple sourz?’ 

‘Nope.’ 

‘What?’ The Doctor asked indignantly. She pulled her gaze away from the board, turning back to Yaz. Her companion grinned cheekily. 

‘You are not having sourz.’

‘Why not? They sound fun!’ 

‘Oh they are fun! But they are perhaps… too fun for right now.’

‘What are they?’

‘Doctor, they’re shots. Full of sugar. You’ll be bouncing off the walls!’ 

‘I’m always bouncing off the walls!’

‘My point exactly!’ The women cracked a grin at each other. Their arms were still linked, but neither of them seemed to notice. They stopped laughing, the merriment coming to a natural end. The Doctor’s gaze softened, as she scanned Yaz’s body up and down, taking in her outfit again, fully appreciating it. Yaz’s smile weakened slightly, replaced with a slightly worried look. Had she got something down herself? 

The Doctor brought her scrutiny to an end, glancing back up at Yaz’s face. She smiled affectionately, before whispering.

‘You look lovely Yaz. Proper lovely.’ Once again, Yaz couldn’t help the blush that blossomed on her cheeks. 

‘Thank… thanks Doctor!’ She stuttered out, at a loss for words. The Doctor gently nudged forward, closer into Yaz’s personal space. Her blonde hair tickled Yaz’s cheek, and she had to stop herself from inhaling that dizzying scent. Honestly, did the Doctor know what she did to her?

‘I’d say,’ the Doctor began whispering again. ‘I’d say, that you were the prettiest girl in here.’ What on earth was the Doctor playing at? Was she… flirting? Yaz had no idea. The Doctor usually threw out compliments to her, but they’d never been this… personal. Having no idea what to say, Yaz said the first thing that came out of her mouth. 

‘Nah, Doctor that’s you. You’re always the prettiest person in the room.’ Okay, where had that come from? Yaz mentally face-palmed herself. She hadn’t even touched alcohol yet, and here she was just throwing away her inhibitions. She glanced hesitantly at the Doctor, and was surprised to find that the Doctor looked pleased. 

‘Well, I’m going to have to disagree with that.’ The Doctor looked at her pointedly, and Yaz didn’t know where to look. With her free hand, the Doctor reached up and started fiddling with a strand of Yaz’s hair. She curled it around her fingers, playing with it gently. Why had it got so hot again, Yaz tried to fathom. 

Before Yaz could reply, she was relieved to see Ryan coming towards them. She waved at him, but her smile faltered when she realised he looked anxious. Her brows knitted together in concern. The Doctor caught her expression and turned to see where Yaz was looking. Ryan caught up with them, a little winded. 

‘Yaz, heads up, Danny’s here.’ Yaz froze on the spot. 

‘What?’ She asked, face paling at the thought. 

‘He’s here, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know he was going to be here tonight. We can leave if you want?’ The Doctor looked between her companions in confusion. 

‘What’s going on?’ She asked, tone worried and alert. Yaz was in shock, so Ryan answered for her.

‘Yaz’s ex is here.’ The Doctor didn’t know the whole story, but she immediately felt her shoulders square up in defence. Ryan’s loaded statement spoke volumes, and she could tell it hadn’t ended well between Yaz and Danny. The Doctor unlinked her arm from Yaz’s, and held both her arms tightly, facing her to look at her. 

‘Ryan’s right, we can leave right now. Have a fun night somewhere else. I won’t have you upset.’ 

Yaz’s expression shifted from shock to defiance in a heartbeat. She looked at her two friends, who were looking at her with concern. She shook her head.

‘Nope, we’re not leaving. We came here to see Ryan’s mates play in a band. We came to have a good time. I’m not gonna let anything stop me.’ She saw the Doctor’s expression soften, and Yaz’s heart leapt at the thought of the Doctor’s concern over her happiness. Yaz was truly blessed to have her in her life. 

They were interrupted by an awkward cough. The trio turned to see who was there, and Yaz’s face fell. It was Danny Biswas, her unfortunate ex. 

‘Hey Ryan, Yaz. Long-time no see!’ He tried to greet them in a jovial way, but it fell flat. Yaz tried to say something but she couldn’t find the words. It had been so long since she’d seen him, she’d almost forgotten what he’d looked like. Tall, dark and brooding. Ryan scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

‘Hey, alright mate?’ He tried to respond politely. Danny looked at him gratefully. 

‘Yeah, back from uni for a bit. How have you been?’ The question had been directed at Ryan, but he was looking directly at Yaz. She glanced up at him, but as soon as she did she redirected her eyes back to the floor. She couldn’t bear to look at him anymore. She just wanted the floor to swallow her up. 

‘Yeah, yeah, I’m alright.’ Ryan replied awkwardly. He looked at the Doctor, mouthing the word ‘help.’ The Doctor looked between the three youngsters, assessing the next course of action. She glanced at Yaz, wanting nothing more than to bundle her up and get her far away from here. 

‘Danny, this is the Doctor.’ The Doctor nodded in his direction, acknowledging his presence, but glancing back at Yaz with worry. 

‘Oh, and how do you know these guys?’ Danny asked politely, totally aware that the Doctor was probably not going to warm to him. He was trying anyway. Before she could do anything, Ryan made a colossal mistake.

‘Oh er, Yaz and the Doctor are going out!’ Ryan blurted out, the first excuse coming to his mind. Yaz’s eyes swivelled to him, practically bulging. The Doctor’s response was the same, staring at Ryan as if he had grown three heads. 

‘What?’ Yaz sputtered out. Ryan looked to the Doctor for help, realising his huge mistake. The Doctor was still looking at him, stunned, but she recovered quicker than Yaz. Danny was watching them all with confusion.

‘Yeah, what?’ He asked, perplexed. 

‘The Doctor and Yaz are going out, that’s how we know her.’ Ryan decided to run with the lie, starting to get over his shock at his own stupidity. Danny was looking at Yaz in surprise. 

‘I didn’t know you liked girls, Yaz,’ he spoke to her directly for the first time since the awkward conversation had started. Yaz looked like a deer in the headlights, paralysed in the moment. Luckily, the Doctor stepped in to save her the embarrassment of being unresponsive. 

The Doctor put her arm around Yaz’s waist, holding her closer to her side. She dropped a quick kiss to Yaz’s cheek, and turned back to the ex. 

‘Well, I’m glad she does, because I am one lucky woman. Couldn’t ask for a better partner in crime.’ She encouraged Yaz to look at her. Yaz was completely mortified. It was one thing to bump into her ex. It was another to have to act like she was in a relationship with her crush, in front of her ex, because her best friend had panic-lied and none of them could back out at this point. Thanks Ryan!

Taking a deep breath, she looked up at the Doctor, searching for support in this horrible situation. Once their eyes met, the Doctor gave Yaz’s hip a gentle squeeze where her hand lay. We’re in this together, she said without words. Yaz managed a small smile, and brought her arm to rest around the Doctor’s waist. They were now sandwiched together; a unit. Yaz mustered up all her courage, and faced down her ex, suddenly braver now the Doctor was at her side. She grinned at him. 

‘Yeah, she is a lucky woman. But I’m luckier.’ At her words, the Doctor pressed another kiss to her cheek, letting her nose linger against her cheek for a few seconds before withdrawing. Yaz felt shivers round down her spine. Well, at least she looked convincing!

Danny looked so uncomfortable that Yaz felt like she could finally laugh. She felt a stab of smugness at seeing the tables turned, and seeing him be the one to feel awkward. 

‘Right, well, good for you Yaz! Glad to see you’re happy.’ 

‘Thanks Danny. I am happy.’ And in that moment, she truly was. The Doctor pulled her closer to her side, and Yaz could feel the Doctor’s protectiveness wash over her in waves. She grinned to herself. 

With that, Danny Biswas turned away awkwardly from them and disappeared into the crowd that had grown larger since this strange conversation had begun. Once he was out of earshot, Ryan turned to them, apologies rolling off his tongue.

‘Oh my days, I am sorry. I don’t know why I said that, I just panicked…’

‘You panicked? He’s not your ex!’ Yaz exclaimed. She should be angry, but with the Doctor’s hand now tracing small circles at her hip, she just couldn’t bring herself to care. 

‘I know, I know, but you’re my mate Yaz, and I know what went down with you guys, and just couldn’t watch you looking so hurt!’ The Doctor’s eyebrows raised, clearly curious about what had happened. However, she didn’t press the matter. Yaz would tell her in her own time. If she ever wanted to. 

‘Oh well, he’s gone now, no harm done!’ The Doctor tried to emphasise, but was cut off by Yaz. 

‘Ryan, you just outed me to my ex! And I’m not…’ She had been about to say gay, but she retracted her statement, just letting the words fall into the silence. She didn’t even know what her answer was. She felt the Doctor freeze at her side, suddenly holding her breath. ‘Y’know, it doesn’t matter what I am, the point is you can’t just go around telling people that we’re dating.’ 

‘I’m sorry Yaz, I really am! But if it helps, it looks like he believed it! And he looked gutted too, like he was jealous.’ That piqued Yaz’s interest – and her ego. 

‘Really?’ 

‘Yeah, you guys are dead convincing as a couple.’ 

The Doctor and Yaz looked at each other. 

‘We are?’ They said in unison. Yaz looked into the Doctor’s eyes, like she always did, but there was something different in them this time. The Doctor’s usually hazel eyes had turned almost black, as dark as the night sky. She was watching Yaz with something Yaz couldn’t decipher. In that moment, she wondered what her own face looked like, as she looked into the face of the woman she loved. 

Loved? Ah shit, there it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you love it when your faves have to fake being in a relationship?


	11. The Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the fake dating begin!

Yaz had never needed her drink as much as she needed it now. She wasn’t usually a heavy drinker, but if she was going to get through this night with her dignity intact, she needed some liquid courage to relax her. Thanks to Ryan’s big mouth, she now needed to keep up the charade that the Doctor and she were dating, in case Danny came across them again. Why couldn’t Ryan have said he was dating Yaz instead? It would have been so much easier!

Yaz guessed she should be grateful, as it meant she had an excuse to sidle up to the Doctor more without question. But at least with Ryan she wouldn’t have been second guessing every single gesture, or applying significant meaning to each touch. They would have laughed about it later on, adding it to their running joke. 

But with the Doctor? Yaz would never want to laugh this off. She knew she would remember every second of this night forever, and didn’t want anything to tarnish this memory. God she was so confused! 

The Doctor must have sensed Yaz’s unease, so once they had their drinks, the Doctor indicated to Ryan to watch them. She had then pulled Yaz through the crowd to the loos. Yaz let herself be led, still stunned by how the night had turned out. There were only two loos in the whole place, so the Doctor pushed one of the doors open so they could have a private chat. Yaz looked up at the door and stopped the Doctor. 

‘Doctor, wait!’

‘What, what is it?’ 

‘You’re dragging us into the men’s!’

‘So?’ 

Yaz used her free hand to gesture to herself, then back to the Doctor. It took the Doctor a couple of seconds to register what Yaz was trying to tell her. Her mouth opened in surprise, before moving to the other door.

‘Whoops, still adjusting!’ The Doctor pulled her into the intimate space, before pushing the door to a close and locking it. Yaz looked at her friend, a quizzical look on her face. 

‘Does that happen a lot?’ She asked kindly. 

‘Not so much these days, but sometimes I forget. Gender isn’t such an issue for Time Lords like it is for humans. We’re a bit more flexible on the whole thing, I guess.’ Yaz nodded in understanding. There was a pause, before Yaz broke the silence.

‘Why have you dragged me to the loos?’ Yaz asked nervously. 

‘I just want to check in with you, Yaz. Ryan kind of threw us in the deep end back there, didn’t he?’ 

‘Yeah, just a bit.’ 

‘What do you want to do about it?’ The Doctor asked directly, eyes boring into Yaz’s. Yaz blinked at the question, confused. 

‘What do you mean?’ 

‘I mean… I guess we have to keep it up tonight. You know, the being a couple thing. In case that Danny character comes back.’ Yaz felt her stomach jump into her throat. Oh god, the Doctor felt uncomfortable! She must be feeling so awkward right now! Yaz looked away, mortified. 

‘Doctor, if it makes you uncomfortable, we don’t have to do anything. I can leave now, so you don’t have to pretend…’

‘Yaz, it’s fine! It doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all!’ Yaz turned back to her, bemused. 

‘Really?’ 

‘Really! I’m worried it makes you uncomfortable, so I was going to suggest I leave…’

‘No, don’t do that!’ 

The two women looked at each other, searching the other’s face for any trace of lying or discomfort. The Doctor blew out a relieved sigh.

‘Yasmin Khan, sometimes I swear we are the same person. We’re always on the same wavelength!’ 

Yaz let out a laugh. 

‘It’s why I get all the points. Turns out I’m a mind reader,’ she said cheekily. The Doctor grinned at her. 

‘No, you get all the points because you’re my favourite.’ Yaz was stunned back into silence, unsure about what to say to that. 

‘Doctor, you can’t have favourites.’

‘Of course I can. You’re all my fam, but there’s only one Yaz!’ The Doctor put her finger to her lips in shushing motion. ‘Just don’t tell the boys that!’ Yaz grinned at her.

‘Promise I won’t.’ 

‘I can always count on you.’ A beat passed. The Doctor looked as if she was about to ask a question, but clamped her mouth shut before asking. Yaz caught her uncertainty. 

‘What is it, Doctor?’ 

‘I was just going to ask if… if you needed to do this? To lie to Danny?’

‘Why?’ 

‘Do you want to get back together with him?’ Yaz looked at her friend in surprise. 

‘No, no way! Definitely not! Why?’ 

The Doctor fiddled with one of her sleeves. 

‘When you saw him, you just froze. Obviously I don’t know what happened between you two, but I couldn’t tell if that was just from shock, because you never wanted to see him again, or because you wanted him. And then, when Ryan blurted out… what he blurted out, and you were stunned. I went along with it because at the time it was the only thing to do, but…what if that was the wrong thing to do, if you wanted to see him again? And now you have to fake it with me when you’d rather be trying to win him back or… oh Yaz, stop me talking, I don’t know where I’m going with this!’ The Doctor rambled nervously. 

‘Doctor, I’m so grateful you went along with it! I was stunned because I wasn’t expecting it come out of Ryan’s mouth. To answer your question, no, there is no way I’d get back with him. It just… hurts to see him. After everything.’ 

The Doctor cocked her head questioningly. 

‘What happened?’ She asked gently. Yaz shook her head.

‘Not tonight. I’ll tell you another time, but I don’t want to face that tonight. It’s bad enough seeing him in person.’ The Doctor nodded in understanding. 

‘No problem, whenever you’re ready.’ Another pause, and another soft glance shared between the women. 

‘So… about tonight. Are we doing this?’ Yaz asked, still unsure about what was going to happen next. 

‘I’m up for it if you are?’

‘Ryan didn’t give us much choice really,’ Yaz conceded. She looked at the Doctor with worry. In response, the Doctor lifted her hand. She brought her fingers over Yaz’s delicately, finding her hand. She interlaced her fingers with her friend, and clasped them together. 

‘I’m with you, whatever happens.’ A full, solid grin broke out on Yaz’s face, realising the Doctor was quoting her back. The Doctor returned her grin, before leading her back into the pub. 

…

They returned to the table, and this time there were more people sat around it. Ryan looked up and waved to the Doctor and Yaz. 

‘Doctor, Yaz, there you are!’ The two women looked around at the new guests, sussing out that they must be Ryan’s friends. 

‘Sorry, we were just… y’know, chatting,’ the Doctor said aimlessly, causing Ryan to look up in panic. Yaz almost laughed at the comical look on his face. He was clearly still feeling guilty over the mess he had got them in. Yaz beamed at him, trying to convey she wasn’t mad. 

‘Yeah, you know what the Doctor gets like, can’t stop talking!’ Their hands were still linked, Ryan didn’t fail to notice. 

‘Talking’s brilliant,’ the Doctor muttered to herself. Yaz nudged her, smiling at her. The Doctor turned to look at her, and couldn’t help but return the smile. 

‘Yaz, Doctor, these are my friends, Dean, Ben, Charlie, and Sam. They’re gonna be playing later.’ Yaz and the Doctor had begun to sit down while Ryan reeled off the names of his friends (whilst the Doctor pulled out Yaz’s chair for her). Yaz nodded to them in greeting, heart ecstatic that the Doctor seemed to be taking this couple charade seriously. The Doctor plopped herself down in the seat next to Yaz. The Doctor grinned at the boys around the table. 

‘Pleased to meet ya,’ she said as she greeted them in turn. They looked up at her with interest, nodding in welcome. The Doctor quickly glanced around the room, taking in more of the venue. ‘Y’know, this place looks familiar. Have I been here before? I don’t know, maybe it’s just Deja vu or something.’ 

Before settling into a more in-depth conversation, Yaz noticed the Doctor wrap her arm securely around the back of Yaz’s chair, sleeve brushing against the back of Yaz’s shoulders. Yep, tonight was going to be a night Yaz would always remember. 

….

Ryan knew his friends would love the Doctor. Sure, she could be weird, but she was unapologetically herself. The best thing was she always got Ryan. They were similar in a lot of ways; impulsive, childish and loud. They both loved pressing buttons and being curious about the world. They were best mates because of their similarities. 

Yaz, on the other hand, was different from both of them. She was always more reserved, thought things through more, and was definitely quieter at times. Looking across at the two of them, however, Ryan could see that the old phrase ‘opposites attract’ really is true. 

He knew he had got them into this mess, of having to pretend to be a couple. It had been a total accident, and he hated seeing the panic in Yaz’s eyes when those words slipped out. However, something seemed to have changed, as the Doctor had her arm wrapped around the back of Yaz’s chair, and Yaz was radiating happiness liked he’d never seen in her before. They were chatting to the rest of the group, but there was definitely a magnetism between the two women that was holding them together. 

Ryan knew Yaz liked the Doctor. She had come close to admitting it to him, but she didn’t need words to express her feelings. Yaz’s emotions were always written across her face, and she had a hard time covering them up. Anytime they were around each other, Ryan could see Yaz lit up when the Doctor entered the room. 

The Doctor, on the other hand, was harder to read. She was very affectionate with Yaz, but she was also an alien. Did Time Lords feel things the same way humans do? Was there a rule against interspecies couples? Ryan had never really had to consider these things before. 

Well, whatever the Doctor felt, she looked very comfortable pretending to be dating Yaz. The arm that had been around the back of Yaz’s chair was now around her waist. Ryan had noticed Danny walk past a couple of times, clearly trying to catch a glimpse of Yaz, and had looked stunned when he’d seen the two women together. And better yet, each time Danny walked past, the Doctor would stroke Yaz’s arm, or squeeze her closer, or even pressed a kiss to her forehead on one occasion. 

Ryan should feel guilty for accidentally getting them into this situation, but if it helped them sort out their feelings (and give some karma to Danny), then he suddenly didn’t feel so bad. 

….

Yaz felt like she couldn’t breathe. Every time the Doctor brushed her arm against her back, or her fingers traced Yaz’s arm, her heart would stutter and accelerate. She’d also never been this happy. The Doctor was taking the charade seriously, and Yaz wasn’t sure what to make of that. Surely the Doctor didn’t need to be touching her all the time? 

The musicians had started playing live music, so the group turned to watch and listen. The Doctor had withdrawn her arm from around Yaz, so that they could turn around to face the stage. Yaz’s seat was in front of the Doctor’s, meaning she had to turn away from her. Yaz’s face warmed at the thought that the Doctor could watch her, and didn’t know how to feel about that. 

The first song began to play, and Yaz was very aware of the fact that the Doctor had scooted her chair closer to her. She was practically breathing down her neck. Delicate, nervous fingers traced the skin of her neck. Yaz almost jolted out of her seat in surprise. She glanced over at Ryan, who raised his eyebrows and gestured at the Doctor. Yaz turned her head, just slightly, trying to gauge what the Doctor was doing. The Doctor’s expression was one of concentration, but she caught Yaz’s confused look.

‘Can I play with your hair?’ She asked, almost hesitantly, suddenly aware she’d been caught. Yaz nodded. She turned her head back to the musicians, and felt her hair being gently lifted. She wasn’t sure what the Doctor was doing, but she was happy to let her do whatever she wanted. The Doctor couldn’t sit still for a minute! Yaz smiled to herself about the dorky alien. 

She couldn’t focus on the musicians playing before her; she was too wrapped up in the way the Doctor gently fiddled with her hair. By the third song, Yaz was pretty sure the Doctor was attempting to plait her hair, and the thought filled her heart with a rush of love. She couldn’t think why that small act should have that effect on her, but Yaz figured it must be something to do with the fact that the Doctor was playing her part so well, to make sure Yaz wouldn’t hurt. The small touch was another way to connect. 

Perhaps Yaz was looking too much into it. Girls played with each other’s hair all the time. All she was doing was plaiting it. But, there was something in Yaz that made her look deeper. As a police officer, she always looked at the finer details. The Doctor seemed so hesitant, always asking Yaz’s permission to touch her. 

The Doctor let the plait drop back against Yaz’s back, satisfied with her work. 

‘All done,’ Yaz heard the Doctor whisper to herself. She grinned to herself at the Doctor’s success. What she didn’t expect was for the Doctor to move even closer. The Doctor scooched her chair up to Yaz’s, and pressed herself against Yaz’s back. Her chest made contact, and Yaz lost her breath. The Doctor slowly brought her chin to rest on Yaz’s shoulder, wrapping her arms around Yaz’s waist. The Doctor’s hands slipped through Yaz’s arms, and came to rest on the tops of her hands. Instinctively, Yaz turned her palms upwards to meet the Doctor’s, then clasped her fingers around the Time Lord’s. She pulled their joined hands closer to herself, holding them securely. The Doctor squeezed them in assurance. 

The current musicians were playing an acoustic version of Duran Duran’s ‘Ordinary World,’ but all Yaz could focus on was the warmth of the Doctor’s closeness. The Doctor turned her head slightly, inclining it towards Yaz’s ear. Yaz felt her inhale before she spoke. 

‘You are the reason to start all over again.’


End file.
